“Did you see that?…LOOK…he did it again!”
“What?…did I see what?…sorry I wasn’t looking just then Sam.”
“That human…there…see? Don’t tell me your eyesight is failing. All those carrots…IMPOSSIBLE!”
“Sorry Sam. What’s he doing?”
“He’s spraying something on OUR vegetable garden…THE NERVE!”
“Ah well…isn’t that HIS ..ah…garden …ah Sam?”
“Don’t get technical on me Clyde. He provides for us. Certainly WE can’t farm a garden. That’s what humans are for. That’s why God put them on earth!”
“Oh yes…well… I’m not sure the human sees it in just that way Sam.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right. They are such thick headed beings…humans.”
“Oh there he goes…now he’s getting the sprinkler, what an idiot! Doesn’t he know that’s gonna dilute the bug spray that he just sprayed on there?”
“Ah…well…isn’t that good for us Sam…that he’s washing our vegetables off?”
“Yeah…Clyde…good point! Oh …I can’t watch anymore. Let’s go over to Mr. Murphy’s garden while Dumkoff here squirts off our veggies!”
The two bunny pals hopped off behind the bramble bushes down to the next house which was 97 hops away.
“Keep your ears down Clyde. I don’t feel much like runnin’ right now…and I’m hungry. How ’bout you?”
“Yeah I could eat a whole row of lettuce…ummm yeah I could!”
When Sam and Clyde reached the edge of the Murphy garden, they looked and waited for two whole minutes…not moving.
Meanwhile, Mr. Murphy said to Marge his wife…”Look at this…there they are…see them on the edge of the garden over by the Johnson house?”
“Oh they’re so cute aren’t they? I just LOVE bunnies!” said Mrs. Murphy.
“Yeah well me too, but I do have to control how much of my garden that I let them eat. But it’s not too tough…they scare pretty easily!” commented Mr. Murphy.
After another minute or so Clyde nudged Sam…”Let’s go…nobody’s around!”
The two hungry rabbits moved into the last row of the Murphy garden where the Bibb lettuce was growing.
“Now remember Sam…just a few leaves from each head as we move along. We’ve gotta be stealthy and outsmart the old guy, otherwise he’ll get wise to our visits!”
“Gotcha!” Sam said with two green Bibb lettuce leaves already sticking out of his mouth. “Yum…I LOVE lettuce and of course carrots…oh yeah, and cabbage…and…”
“C’mon already…shut up and eat…we don’t wanna be here too long!”
The bunny buddies made their way down the row and when they got to the end…”OK…back to the hutch! Can’t take a chance of being seen. We’ll get back later for lunch.”
“Right!”
“Keep your ears down!”
“I know…I know.”
After they left, Mr. Murphy came out and walked down to the edge of his garden and looked over his Bibb lettuce.
“Amazing! Those rabbits helped themselves to my lettuce and I can’t even see any evidence that they were even here!”
Then Mr. Murphy’s neighbor Mr. Johnson called over. “Hey Ed. I saw some vermin rabbits in your garden. They’ll eat every vegetable you’ve got if you let ’em!”
“Oh I don’t mind. In fact, I grow extra lettuce and carrots for ’em…Marge thinks they’re cute!”
“Man…not me! They’ll destroy the whole place if you let ’em!” grumped Mr. Johnson.
“Well…you can send them over here if you want to!” smiled Mr. Murphy.
“I’ll send ’em to bunny heaven if I ever see ’em in my garden again!” promised Mr. Johnson shaking his fist in the air.
Fortunately Clyde and Sam had not reached their hutches and heard what Mr. Johnson said and never EVER went to his garden again and lived a very long and happy vegetarian bunny life.

The huge green bottomed and white topped cauliflower slammed the gavel as he (she?) stood behind the podium. “Everyone…PLEASE come to order…let’s get this annual conference of the Y.U.C.K. etc allegiance started.”
“You down there…M’s/Mr. Kale….please give your attention to the podium…must we have to discuss MANNERS this year as well as our annual theme… TASTE?”
“Now…the reason we are all here is the undeniable fact that MOST…thankfully not, ALL kids… absolutely positively HATE the way we vegetables taste!”
“Yeah!!” a brussels sprout roared from the balcony.
“Today’s agenda is a simple one…the question is How do we improve the way we taste to children? The Chairperson is now accepting suggestions from the floor.”
“Ah…Sir/Ma’am…what if we just tried to swim in lots of sauces and fool the kids?”
“You can’t easily fool kids…and we tried that two years ago and it hasn’t worked yet!”
“Ah…what about hiding under hamburgers or hot dogs or…”
“NO…they find us quickly like they’ve got radar or something…next idea.”
“Maybe we could spend money on a public relations campaign on TV kid shows.”
“Well…except for cabbage we don’t have any money…NEXT!!!”
“SUGAR!…We need sugar coatings like breakfast cereals have.”
“Hmmm…well…that might be the first suggestion reflecting serious thinking…let’s discuss this idea put forth by Mr./M’S Spinach.”
“IT WON’T WORK!”
“Who shouted that from out in the back row there?”
“Me!” The sweet potato responded. “Most kids don’t really like me and I yam the sweetest and maybe the healthiest vegetable here.”
“Ummm…good point….so …anyone else have a thought?”
Then a large brown potato spoke up…”Ah…I believe that I’m in an unusual position of being both hated and loved by kids depending on how I’m cooked. If I am French fried kids love me…otherwise I’m not very popular.”
“Good point potato…So what are we to deduce from this conference of Youngsters Unliking Cauliflower and Kale…etc.”
“That we really don’t know how to make kids love us and that we should try to hang around with adults as much as possible!”
“Resolved…Conference CONCLUDED! See you all next Spring!”

It was a bright and sunny night and all of the animals and people in all of the houses and barns and pastures and well, you get the idea, were wide awake.
After all, this was the Village of Backwards and there was a tradition to uphold.
The sign at the entrance to town read “EMOCLEW” and the red octagonal traffic signs on the corners spelled “OG”
The local driving populace stopped on green lights and drove down the middle of the streets…backwards of course.
The pedestrians also very naturally walked backwards and as they passed each other, frowned and said “Goodbye”
When you were 6 or so years old you started College in The Village and after 12 or so years you graduated first grade.
All of the front entrances to stores and even the “ECILOP” station were locked and you entered….YES you are correct, through the rear.
New Years Eve was a day late and celebrated on January First with fireworks at noon.
It was a sad town which made everyone happy. Dogs walked their Masters in the park and the garbage truck brought new trash every Saturday.
Then one day a little blond haired six year old boy named Otto stood in the middle of the town round and yelled…”I want to start school in First Grade and I want to walk my dog and walk down the street forward so that I can see where I’m going!”
A crowd started to form as the boy continued citing all of the backward things that he thought to be rather silly and for the very first time the people started to think about their town in a whole new darkness.
The very next day as Otto climbed into his first grade school desk, the sign man was repainting all of the town signs and especially the one that read “WELCOME TO THE VILLAGE OF FORWARDS.”
That was many years ago now but there is still one stubborn family who lives in a house with the basement on the third floor and yells “Goodbye” to everyone that strolls past.

I think a girl thought up Valentine’s Day

Guys just never think that way

In school they make you celebrate

By sending heart covered cards to your classmate

Mom’s and girlfriends love to get

Gifts of candy and flowers and you can’t forget

 There’s NO excuses…just ask my Dad

If he forgot it would really be bad

He makes me remind him the week before

And he still wonders if he should’ve done more

Until Valentine’s over he stays wary

But all’s back to normal the fifteenth of February

“I’m beat!” moaned the big bass drum.
“It’s not surprising since the stick that I’m hit with is called a “beater!”
“I know…I know… I’m supposed to be….beaten, but I’m starting to not like it so much.”
Dudley the drum had to admit that he loved marching in parades and adding the “Boom” to the band but more and more he looked forward to the “after” parade rest.
He could recall when he was little, his drum parents would punish him when he did something wrong by not beating him for a week.
He had to just sit there during their jam sessions and not make a sound. He was so happy when the punishment was over and they started to lovingly beat him again.
But at his age he guessed that he had been thumped, struck, boomed or whatever verb you cared to use, thousands upon thousands of times and he just wasn’t enjoying it as much as before. What to do?
Then one afternoon he was suddenly picked up, sideways…and placed flat on the carpet in his owner’s living room right in front of the sofa.Then a vase of flowers and a candy dish were put on his “skin” and he heard them say…”Well…what do you think? COFFEE TABLE…or not?”
Dudley’s life flashed in front of him as he realized that he might possibly never be beaten again!
It seemed to Dudley like hours that he sat there and they just stared at him from various angles, “tsk”ing and pulling at their jaws…until finally the woman said…”No…I don’t think so!”
The man then said…”Yeah…I agree.”
The flowers and candy were removed and Dudley was set upright and then both of his owners hit him simultaneously with their beater.
“Ah…that feels good!” Dudley whispered and never EVER complained again!

“Gee…gnats are a gnuisance” Phil said.
Then suddenly Phil heard a very very small high pitched voice say “Gnot all Gnats are Gnot Gnice Buddy!”
Phil looked around and couldn’t see where that itsy bitsy voice came from.
“Hey…Buddy…over here…gnot over there!” A tiny Gnat was yelling at Phil.
“Oh…yes….I think I see you.”
“Well…Gnats get a bad reputation…undeserved in my humble opinion.”
“Well….what do Gnats like you do?” asked Phil.
“Ah…we can pollinate orchids.”
“We don’t have any orchids…what else?”
“Ah…we can eat very tiny pests from plants.”
“They must be REALLY tiny all right.”
“Well…yeah….but we’re here anyway so live with it…besides I think that you are being a very big pest. You humans are always swatting at us poor gnats and that’s gnot gnice.”
Then Phil asked “Why do you spell your name with a “G” anyhow?”
“‘Cause we were gnamed by the same gnut that gnamed the Gnu.”

The birthday celebration was over and Sam the Kingsnake was writing Thank You cards to all of his friends that had brought presents to his party.
He thanked Carl the Centipede for the pair of new red leather shoes even though Sam had no feet, which even a casual observer should have noticed.
Of course Carl had a hundred feet and so, he naturally fancied himself a shoe “expert”.
Then Sam wrote to Roger Raccoon to thank him for the bright red comb even though, once again, it should have been noted by all that Sam had no hair. But being as furry as Roger was, the oversight was understandable.
Sam also was left wondering what he was going to do with all the leftover raw eggs and fresh mice parts that no one seemed interested in even tasting.
Sam decided to donate the shoes and comb to charity and consume the leftovers a bit at a time until they were gone.
One present he did get excited about was the baby rattle that Blackie the crow brought. Sam was a Kingsnake and not only did he NOT possess a rattle…he wasn’t even venomous. But he had secretly admired that rattling sound that the Diamondbacks made when they needed to scare something or someone.
But perhaps the most appropriate and thoughtful of all of his presents was the jar of skin creme that Tommy Turtle gave him. It was time for Sam to shed his old skin and Tom’s gift would aid in making the shedding immeasurably more comfortable.
Yes…all in all, Sam had wonderful friends of the forest, but occasionally he did get quite lonely.
He was very tired after a long afternoon of partying and as Sam was beginning to nod off on a much needed nap, he began to pleasantly wonder if there existed a snake species known as a Queen Snake.

I am a great big Oak tree
And I’ve been here for years
The children play around me
They shout and yell their cheers

I love it when the Spring comes
And my leaves just start to pop
But my secret wish is
I wish that I could hop!

Oh I’d jump around the grassy slope
I’d run through underbrush
And sometimes I’d just walk slowly
I’d not be in a rush

I’d be careful not to step
On tiny living things
And I’d only go where I could get
My limbs through openings

But my feet are way below the ground
Attached to roots real deep
I need them all to stand so tall
Especially on a hill so steep

‘though it gets kinda boring
Always standing here
I guess it’s what I have to do
Year after year after year

I know that I will never be
Free to run around
But Gee, I’d be so happy
If I could just sit down

When she was born Silvia noticed that the color of her scales was different from those of all of her brothers and sisters. Theirs were golden scales and made them look  like golden rays of sun swimming in the large pond which Silvia knew as “home”. And most of the other older fish inhabiting the pond were various shades of yellow and gold too. Silvia was more like the color of the rocks along the sides of her home and she wished that she were a beautiful golden shade too.

Also Silvia seemed to always get blamed for any trouble that, especially her brothers, would cause. When there was a commotion, except for feeding time of course, it seemed as though every creature in the pond stared at just her!
Some of the frogs were gray and the slugs were grayish but she was a “GOLD…fish” that somehow wasn’t very gold!

Silvia tried to swim in the bright sun rays that gleamed into the pond hoping to capture the sun’s color but it just made her look  more  silvery. Silvia did notice that the other fish were sometimes confused and weren’t sure which “Gold” fish was which and called them by the wrong names. But everyone knew who Silvia was, but that didn’t make Silvia feel special. And anyhow Silvia didn’t need to feel “special” she just wanted to fit in and be one of the school.

At school one day Silvia found out that she and all her family were CARP. And then she found out that not all carp are gold. In fact, Silvia was technically a Hypopthalmichthys Molitrix or Silver Carp. Well, fish, even carp, can’t write or spell so Silvia didn’t much care what she “technically ” was. Then the rest of her school started to tell her how beautiful that her silvery color was and that they wished that they were silver too. Even the Koi started telling her how they wished that they didn’t have “all these spots all over” and admired her flawless silvery complexion.

It was then that Silvia decided that it was better to appreciate who you are, and be the best “YOU” you can be instead of wishing that you were somebody else. Quite often, that someone else, wished that they were you!

Sparky  the elf was having a nice day until Santa arrived at the workshop Santa said “It’s new year’s eve… only 51 more weeks until Christmas.”
Sparky responded, “That’s plenty of time to get ready for Christmas 2024 isn’t it Santa?”
“Not if we’re going to make toys that take 52 weeks to build!”
Well Santa was right about that, but what efficient Elf would EVER take that long to do anything?
“Snoddington the elder elf would take even longer!” Santa responded!
Sparky knew that was true, but Snoddington wasn’t due to retire until 2030.
Then Sparky had an idea. He whipped out his smart phone 3000 and called his new best Easter friend that was the very best toy wrapper EVER!.
Yep…you guessed it EB!
The Bunster showed up the very next morning with 5 million yards of Saranwrap and 50 million feet of red and green ribbon and 4 frozen jelly beans.
So no matter what you are doing this year or where you are doing it, Santa, Sparky and the Easter Bunny will be wrapping presents for December 24, 2024, except for Easter morning when EB has the day off.
The National TV network is scheduling a game show this year at the North Pole to see who can wrap presents of various and sundry sizes weights and be declared “Wrapper of The World!”
Be sure to tune in!