I shouldn’t be telling you this stuff. I mean I could really get into a lot of trouble with other mutts in the canine club, but I’ve always liked humans…well most of ’em.
Being a dog, and when I say dog I mean a REAL dog, not one of those so called “purebreds” as they like to be referred to. Life is not really too bad…IF you’ve got the right “owner” (hate that term) Now I personally prefer table scraps but my…ah…family feeds me dry food and an occasional dog bone. I get petted a lot but not NEARLY as often as when I was a puppy, and I get outside almost too much. Hey, I’m not a big fan of cold weather or 100 degree days either!
We dogs understand humans lots better than humans understand us. Of course the intent of this story here is to close the gap between us a bit.
We can smell better than you can, although that sometimes is a major drawback believe me, and we can hear lots better too. By the way if you know which idiot human invented the dog whistle let me know. Some of my friends would be interested in “meeting” them too!
And also by the way, those electronic fences!!! Another idiot dude by dogdom standards. Not only do we have to learn how the stupid thing works the HARD way…but all those leashless mean dogs can walk right through and get at us. It isn’t fair…and it HURTS!
Oh I know….I know it sounds like we dogs don’t appreciate our humans but that really isn’t true. We’re not called “Man’s Best Friend” for nothin’.
We LOVE fetching sticks, well most of us do, some dogs are just grumpy. And we don’t mind getting slippers and bringing them to our human, although sometimes it IS tempting to just chew and rip ’em around pretending that they are freshly caught game.
But try to understand…we DO have instincts and were once wild animals that had to hunt and stuff before we were “domesticated.”
Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and dogs and humans will get along just great.  By the way…support your local SPCA.

Since Samantha got her red leather-bound diary with the heart-shaped lock for Christmas she had been entering each day’s activities and thoughts into it.
She had to admit after re-reading many of her entries in the last month that her life was…well…pretty dull.
“If this was anyone else’s diary I would actually feel sorry for the girl. But it is what it is and I must be completely truthful to myself and my diary.”
Then one night in February as “Sam” was lying in her bed and entering another “average” day’s activities into her diary she added…”And I wish that my boring green bedroom was a pretty soft pink.”
As she closed her book and inserted the key into the lock a flash of soft pink light glowed all over her room. And as she looked around she was amazed that her old boring room had turned into a beautiful pink with frilly lace curtains at the window.
Well naturally Sam was startled and she rubbed her eyes and looked again but her new beautiful bedroom was still her favorite shade of pink!
She got out of bed and went over to the window and touched the lace curtains and the perfectly pink wall and admired them both.
“How? What? and Why? were the first thoughts that entered her mind. Then she saw the diary.
“That must be it! When I entered my wish…Oh MY!”
Sam gently pinched herself to make sure that she was awake. “Ouch…yeah I’m awake all right!”
Then she put her key into the lock of the diary and opened it back up to today’s page. To Sam’s surprise, there was no line written wishing for the pink bedroom…it had completely disappeared!
She sat in her bed wondering what had just happened and as she looked back up at her window the old curtains were there and her room was back to its original pale green.
Sam thought and then decided to try and enter her “pink” wish into her diary again and once again as she locked the book her room turned into a lovely pink.
So Sam laid back on her bed with her head on the pretty pink pillow and soon went to sleep.
When Sam awoke the next morning her room was back to “Green Normal” and she just shook her head in wonder. She decided not to tell anyone about her magic diary but each night thereafter for many months she wrote her pink wish into her diary and slept in a lovely pink bedroom.
The “Magic” stopped on September 23rd…Sam’s birthday. The very day her parents had her bedroom redecorated in soft pink with pretty lace curtains at the window.

“I’m really getting full already and it’s only…I have to wait until he stops shaking his head so that I can see the clock…ah….yeah…WOW 6:46 AM… that’s a new record.”
“You know some of this stuff he throws away isn’t all that bad. This one about the five legged cat is pretty good…oh but wait…um… dangling participle in that second paragraph and inconsistent tense…and….yeah…he was right to chuck that one.”
“OUCH! Another paper cut. HEY…CAN’T YOU WAD THEM UP TIGHTER BEFORE YOU THROW THEM AT ME HEMINGWAY!!!”
“Oh what’s the use he can’t hear me anyhow. What was that last one about?”
“A two headed cow that argues with himself constantly…he’s into the “weird animal syndrome” again. Didn’t work before…LAST FIVE TIMES!”
“I wonder if I can get moved to the spare bedroom so I can finally get some sleep. Naw…won’t happen. He likes the fact that I look like a basketball goal and I guess my decor won’t integrate into that lilac and pink bedroom anyway. I’m doomed!”
“Hey…you know what…I just noticed? It’s been 14 minutes since he’s trashed me with a reject wad and he’s been typing like crazy.
You don’t suppose…Naw couldn’t be…but then….he’s still at it. Do you think….”
“He’s jumping up and down and whooping…you know I think he actually finished writing something…He’s holding the pages…let me see if I can….OH JUST TURN THEM TO THE LEFT A BIT SHAKESPEARE SO I CAN SEE…”
“Well…I’ll be…there’s the title…”SILLY GRANDPA’S WASTEPAPER BASKET!”

I am a great big Oak tree
And I’ve been here for years
The children play around me
They shout and yell their cheers

I love it when the Spring comes
And my leaves just start to pop
But my secret wish is
I wish that I could hop!

Oh I’d jump around the grassy slope
I’d run through underbrush
And sometimes I’d just walk slowly
I’d not be in a rush

I’d be careful not to step
On tiny living things
And I’d only go where I could get
My limbs through openings

But my feet are way below the ground
Attached to roots real deep
I need them all to stand so tall
Especially on a hill so steep

‘though it gets kinda boring
Always standing here
I guess it’s what I have to do
Year after year after year

I know that I will never be
Free to run around
But Gee, I’d be so happy
If I could just sit down

Six sets (of six items each) from which the author needs to select 6 single items (one in each catagory) and then write a short story including those subjects selected by rolling a die each time.

Category One …PROTAGONIST

1.Young Girl
2.Young Boy
3.A Dragon
4.A cardboard Box
5.An ant
6.A disappearing kitten

Category Two…ANTAGONIST

1.A Snake
2.A Mosquito
3.Hurricaine
4.Crazy Cartoon come to life
5.Runaway Train
6.A Grandpa

Category Three…SETTING

1.A Pond
2.The Dessert
3.A Cave
4.An Island
5.City Park
6.A Carnival

Category Four…TIME

1.1865
2.1925
3.2200
4.Midnight
5.4th of July
6.New Years Eve

Category Five…NUMBER OF CHARACTERS

1.Two
2.Six
3.A Thousand and One
4.Five
5.Twelve
6.Thirteen

Category Six…TYPE OF STORY

1.Happy
2.Scary
3.Silly (my favorite)
4.A Little Sad
5.Narration
6.Third Person

Story doesn’t have to be very long…(but must include all categories.) HAVE PHUN!!!

“Monique, you are so lucky to live in France…it must be wonderful.” Susie said to her “friend”
“Oui…it is….how you say…exquisite!” Monique replied.
“Could you teach me to speak French?” Susie asked.

“Oh Oui Mon Amie…that means “Yes my friend”

“It’s SOOO exciting having a friend like you Monique.”

“Susan…are you talking on the phone? It’s too late for that….now go to sleep…you have school tomorrow Dear!” Her mother had called from the hallway….”Yes Mom….I know….I’m in bed….Good Night!” …and Susie turned out the light and pulled up the pink coverlet with the fleur- di- Lis design that she’d gotten for her seventh birthday last week.

The next day Susie taught her school friends how to say “Yes my friend” in French. There were many conversations containing “Mon Amie”and “Oui” among Susie’s friends and they all seemed to love saying things in French as much as Susie did…AND they all wanted to meet  Susie’s new friend Monique.

“Well Monique DOES live in France….ah….Toulouse France to be exact. That’s in the south of France you know near the Riviera.” Susie advised.

Susie’s friends ( the REAL ones) were very impressed. They didn’t have foreign friends that spoke foreign languages and nearly all of them wished that they did. Each day her friends would ask “Did you talk to Monique last night?” Sometimes Susie did and sometimes she didn’t. Her friends seemed disappointed when Susie reported no conversations and no new French words or sayings for them at school the next day.

After about ten days or so Susie reported to her friends that Monique was going on vacation with her family and wouldn’t be calling for awhile. Susie’s friends were all disappointed to hear the news but knew that they’d just have to wait until Monique and her family returned to France after their vacation.

After two days of no “calls” from Monique, at about seven o’clock at night just after dinner, Susie’s doorbell rang. Mr. Jenkins,  Susie’s dad answered the door since it was homework time and Susie was up in her room studying.
Then she heard her father call out “Someone to see you Susan Dear…a Miss Monique….from France!”

“Hi! The keys on my keyboard are helping me give a shout out to you today. Normally I’m not a very popular key because you see I’m the DELETE button.”
“Oh, I do have a few close friends like the space bar (who never says much but is a great listener) and the backspace arrow, who kinda does the same job as me, so we have something in common.”
“The most popular keys like E and ENTER never want to chat. I’ve never shared a single word with CTRL…EVER.”
“I can’t actually figure out why I’m so unpopular with almost all of the other keys, after all I give them another chance to be used over again later. But I’m content with my role on the keyboard and actually I believe that I’m one of the most popular keys. Why do I think that you ask? Because my writer Russ makes so many mistakes, he actually uses me more than any other key.”
“I was going to chat longer but I’m an expert about knowing when to delete.”

“OK all of you…pay attention. No…no…no, you Dachshunds and Corgis and Chihuahuwas get up in the front row. I’m an AKC registered English Bulldog. And the first of you mutts that makes a crack about my accent is gonna REGRET IT! Now, you’re gonna get your barking orders that you will keep and obey forever.”

“Hey! You two Great Danes back there…KNOCK it off!”

“There are four types of barking that will be assigned today: The “Ruff” the “Yap” and the “Bow Wow,” and of course there is the most common, the just plain “Bark” which is not only onomatopoeia, but also a noun, but you’ll get that lesson later on in the camp when we discuss words and commands that you can ignore.”

Now you MUST only adhere to your assigned type or if you are caught using any other type, you will be severly punished by the removal of your bark capabilities. If you don’t believe me, just ask ANY Basenji!

“OK This entire front row is assigned the “Yap! Let’s hear it when I give the signal….WHAT? You got a question?”

The Corgi timidly asked “Are there any restrictions on loudness or repitition?”

“Hmmm. That is actually a good question for once! No! Loud and long and strong!”

“OK….GO!”

There was the loudest longest and strongest yapping of any prior Boot class!

“You blokes are gonna bring me a lot of glory out there! OK you second row, you medium dogs You get the “Ruff” which is quite often doubled to “Ruff Ruff!” Let’s hear it!

A cacophony of RUFFS rang through the barricks rafters.

“Now third row, you large dogs you get a deep “Bow Wow”…let’s hear it!’

The Bulldog Sargent had to cover his ears.

“That was wonderful! And the rest of you mongrels just get to “Bark”…GO!”

There was a lot of ill timed and mixed good and bad Barks which left the Bulldog shaking his head.

“Oh that was terrible, but I didm’t expect much anyhow. OK! I want you all to go out to the fence that runs along the camp’s perimeter next to the housing development and practice until you are hoarse.”

“DISSSSSSMISSSSED!”

Wally the worm’s North end was arguing with his South end about which way to go. When they both tried to go in different directions at the same time it would stretch Wally’s length almost double. It was a slimming activity but it actually hurt, plus the whole Wally wasn’t going ANYWHERE!
Then the North end of Wally decided to curve to the left and of course, the South end wanted to go…you guessed it….right!
After seven circles both ends realized that neither was getting anywhere again.
“Ok” Wally North said “How about if we go straight left for twenty seconds and then we can go straight right for twenty seconds?”
“Yeah…OK….but me first!” Demanded South.
“Whatever!” hurummphed Wally’s North end.
But after forty seconds Wally was back EXACTLY where he started.
“We’ve got to compromise if we intend to go ANYWHERE!” exclaimed North end.
“Hmmm.” Was all that South end could utter but deep inside he knew North was right.
“OK” South said reluctantly what do we do to get to the mulch pile?”
“I know the way so I’ll take the lead and you can drive the back so that we don’t get whiplash!”
Well, South had to admit that it WAS a plan and he really wanted to get to that mulch pile so he agreed.
And that’s how Wally worm, both the North AND the South of him made a straight line to the mulch pile although South end always referred to it as the “MUNCH pile” which always made North end laugh.