Mrs. Claus was very concerned that Santa, the “Jolly Old Elf” as he is sometimes referred to, needed a bit of assistance as he became more “Old” than “Elf” but still “Jolly”.
Mrs.Claus, (her first name is “Eve” as we mentioned in a previous story) suggested that Santa hire an intern to assist with his annual duties.
Santa at first considered the idea “preposterous” but Eve saw how slowly that he climbed into and out of the sleigh and other small clues that made clear to her that Santa could use a non-Elf hand or two.
But who would be available to help Santa in the cold cold North Pole?
Perhaps a young person from Siberia or Finland or Alaska. She even considered a robot until she remembered that the elves had to keep all robot presents warm until delivery.
Plus the fact that as Santa’s assistant, the work would be a concentrated part time job which made her think of a college student that always had off of classes for the Christmas holidays.
Then there was the problem of advertising the job. There might be thousands of applicants and who would interview them and neither Eve nor Santa would want to disappoint a single one.
What to do?
Maybe the answer wasn’t hiring an intern after all but just to lighten the Christmas Eve load of gifts that Santa had to deliver.
By the way, all of this happened 20 or so years ago and we just heard about it during one of our fireside chats with the Claus’.
You all know by now what Mrs. Claus did to help Santa and he is still managing to handle his Christmas Eve duties by himself.

What? Oh yes…I didn’t actually remind you of the solution to Santa’s problem…why UPS, FedEX and all of the postal services around the world.
Have a Merry Christmas and don’t forget to check your front steps and mailboxes kids.

by russ mckay  

TIME: 1960’s PLACE: Baltimore

CHAPTER ONE

Billy James looked so small and so sad standing by third base. He tried to hide his tears, but they were dropping so fast, that he soon gave up and just turned and walked away toward the left field gate, dropping his fielder’s glove and kicking it away into the dirt pile near the empty stands.

“Billy…BILLY!” A shout came from behind home plate, as a hobbled older man climbed from the bench seats and with much discomfort stepped out onto the baseball field.

“Wait Billy my boy!” the man strained to call out as he was trying to follow the kid, but was losing ground with each of the boy’s quickening steps.

Finally, the boy, recognizing his Grandfather’s voice, stopped and turned back toward the man and wiped his eyes with his uniform sleeve. Billy didn’t move as his Grandfather Hector James arrived, winded and frail at the boy’s side.

That was a tough play Billy. Why even Brooks Robinson woulda had a time with that short hop!”
“I hate baseball Papa. Never gonna…….” The tears were back, and Billy just turned away and looked down at the ground and kicked at the dirt.

“Well. That’s enough for today son. Let’s go and get us a milkshake at “Taffys” what do ya think?”

“I just wanna go home Papa.”

“Well, we will. As soon as we’re full of Taffys’ Malted Double Chocolate shakes!”

“Wait! First I wanna get your glove.”

“Aw, leave it. I never wanna see it or touch it again!”

“Well, I might need to use it next week when I play with the Codgers against the dreaded Fogies in Memorial Stadium!”
Billy tried, but just couldn’t stop the smile that wiped his tears away. He took his Grandpa’s hand and they left the field and slowly walked to Taffy’s.

CHAPTER TWO

Filled with the happy elixer from Taffy’s, the two generations of James’ rounded the last corner and neared the small brick row house that had been Hector James’ home since the day that he was born. Billy and his Mom lived two doors down, managing to keep the house even after the sudden loss of Billy’s Dad in an accident at the Bethlehem Steel plant in Sparrows Point.

Billy was a smart and talented lad, but wanted things to be too good and come too soon for the life that he and his Mom were now living.

“Well, I’ll see you at dinner Papa.”

“Billy. Stop in a moment will ya. I wanna show you something. Something special that I’ve never shown you before!”

“Well…..OK. But I gotta get home to set the table and Roy Rodgers is comin’ on soon too.”

“Won’t take but a few minutes.”

Billy looked past his Grandad’s house toward his and thought. “Ok. But can you hurry a bit?

“I ain’t fast anymore, but I can be quick!”

Billy looked up at his Papa and smiled. “I like the way you say stuff Grandpa.”

Inside the house, Grandpa James took Billy up to the attic. It took awhile and Billy asked what time it was every minute or two.

“Ahhh. Now! Got something I want to show you. It’s back in here last I saw it. Naw. Hmmmn.”

Billy was getting impatient. “Wish I had a watch!” he said.

“You’d wear it out in a day or two!”

“You can’t wear out a watch just by lookin’ at it! Can ya?”

“Nobody has yet. But I bet you could! Oh…HERE it IS!”

Hector pulled out an old wrinkled gold painted baseball glove from just above therafter and dusted it off. “This here is a glove that’ll turn any boy that puts it on into a wiz kid baseball player. And I’ll tell you a secret…Brooks actually put on this glove once himself when he was just a rookie. It was the year he first came to play for the Orioles! And that’s a fact!”
“Really Papa?:

“Really Billy!

Billy reached for the glove, but Grandpa James pulled it away so quick that Billy’s eyes got really big in wonder.

“Told you I was quick! It’s the glove son. The Glove!”

“Wow, Papa.” Then Billy reached for the glove again.

“NOPE! First…and foremost, you’ve got to say the oath.”

“What’s an OATH?”
“It’s a promise that you can’t EVER break.”
“OK. What do I say?”

“It’s more like What Do I PROMISE? Are you ready to make the promise?”

”What is it.?”

“OK. Put you left hand into the glove. Now repeat after me…”I Billy James, Do promise …….to use this golden glove to play my very best…… at all times and in every game from now on…….. And if I should make an error,,……. it will not be because of the glove,……… but because I can and WILL do better……… next time and every time after that!”

“I want to go back to the field right now and try it out Papa!”

“Well, Billy, you have to get home to help your Mom and eat dinner. Wait until morning and I’ll get your coach Ted to meet you there and hit you some grounders and see how that glove helps.”

“Aww…OK Papa. But I’m not letting this glove out of my sight!”

“I’ll go with you tomorrow. You’ll see what a difference it will be.”

CHAPTER THREE

That evening, Billy stayed awake as long as he could, but finally fell asleep wearing his “new” old gold glove. It surprised him that he didn’t dream about the glove, or of playing flawless baseball. He awoke the next morning earlier than his Mom, which had never happened before He was too excited to eat breakfast, but his Mom allowed a glass of orange juice and a slice of toast as a substitute.

The doorbell rang…”That’s Papa!. We’re gonna go to the field and Ted will hit me some grounders.”

“Don’t get your hopes up too high Billy. After all, it’s just an old glove.”

“Mom.”

“Yes, Billy. What?”

“You never played baseball before did ya?”

His Mom laughed and rubbed his head. “Go answer the door and get your Papa and see if he wants breakfast!”

The answer was yelled from the front step “Noooo…too excited to get to the ballpark!”

Billy and Papa met Ted and Billy took his position at third base. The first grounder was rather softly hit and a bit routine. Billy moved right and crouched and the ball hit the thick part of the heel of the glove and bounced away.

All was still after/the error. Billy went to retrieve the ball and looked over to his Grandpa who was walking slowly out to third base.

“Now Billy. You have to do your part too, so that the glove can work right. You can’t just throw the glove out there on the field and expect it to catch baseballs. You have to get in position and square up and bend down and keep the glove low and be ready. The glove needs to know that you also know what you’re doin’…get it?”

“Yeah. Papa. Me and this gold glove are partners!”

“Righto! Now take another grounder. Ted! Hit him a hard one!’

Billy had to turn a quick left and scoop up the hot grounder, catch it in the web and throw the ball to first . Billy’s accurate throw actually hit the bag!

“Wow! That’s some kinda good fieldin’ Billy. Brooks would be proud of that one!”

Billy fielded line drives, pop ups and hard grounders for so long, that Ted got tired and Papa needed restin; too.

After the session and Coach Ted was thanked, Billy and Papa slowly walked home. As they arrived at Papa’s house, Billy looked up at his Grandfather and said, “Thanks Papa. It isn’t the glove is it? It’s really me and how I try or not.”

“Billy., . You learned somethin’ today that most people take a long time to figure out…if they ever do!”

“I’m beat!” moaned the big bass drum.
“It’s not surprising since the stick that I’m hit with is called a “beater!”
“I know…I know… I’m supposed to be….beaten, but I’m starting to not like it so much.”
Dudley the drum had to admit that he loved marching in parades and adding the “Boom” to the band but more and more he looked forward to the “after” parade rest.
He could recall when he was little, his drum parents would punish him when he did something wrong by not beating him for a week.
He had to just sit there during their jam sessions and not make a sound. He was so happy when the punishment was over and they started to lovingly beat him again.
But at his age he guessed that he had been thumped, struck, boomed or whatever verb you cared to use, thousands upon thousands of times and he just wasn’t enjoying it as much as before. What to do?
Then one afternoon he was suddenly picked up, sideways…and placed flat on the carpet in his owner’s living room right in front of the sofa.Then a vase of flowers and a candy dish were put on his “skin” and he heard them say…”Well…what do you think? COFFEE TABLE…or not?”
Dudley’s life flashed in front of him as he realized that he might possibly never be beaten again!
It seemed to Dudley like hours that he sat there and they just stared at him from various angles, “tsk”ing and pulling at their jaws…until finally the woman said…”No…I don’t think so!”
The man then said…”Yeah…I agree.”
The flowers and candy were removed and Dudley was set upright and then both of his owners hit him simultaneously with their beater.
“Ah…that feels good!” Dudley whispered and never EVER complained again!

“No “FOR SALE” signs. No Real Estate Agents. No Open House events with cookies and personal tours. (Love cookies by the way) But on the plus side, my new house will be free…NO MORTGAGE!”
Actually my “House” is more like a camper. I started out small with a shell previously owned by a snail. But I soon outgrew it and had to find a bigger one. I’m on my fifth home now and I’m getting a little cramped.”
“And by the way. I don’t mean to disparage molluscs, but some of those previous owner snails really leave a messy shell. I ALWAYS do my housecleaning when moving on.”
“Ah….there….over by the turfgrass. WOW…what a beautiful golden brown color with tiny dots of dark brown. Let’s see. Looks pretty clean in there. Has to be a caring Hermit crab.”
“UGH! Wouldn’t you know it. Just a wee bit too tight. That is indeed a shame. I loved that Metropolitan style of the shell. Oh Well…the search goes on.”
“But wait. There over by the path. That one isn’t quite as stylish but it is HUGE!”
“HELLO…Hello…hello” Man it even has an echo!” I’ll just do a walk through….Gosh it’s roomy in here.” I think this one is perfect…well, except for the dull grey color….but maybe that’s good for camouflage.”
“Oh I LOVE IT…I’ll just….WAIT….this thing is heavy….WAY too heavy. I don’t want to have to carry this load around all day and running? Forget about that!”
“Shame.” Well I guess I have to go to the last resort and see my former owner Mary. She released me back into the “wild” when she left for college.”
“Mary will be able to solve my “Goldilocks” problem.”
“How can Mary help you may ask. She sells sea shells by the sea shore!”

“Get the belt…I’m fallin’ down!” said the pair of trousers known as “Smarty Pants”
“Ok…OK…hold your shirt on…I’m gettin’ it!” Billy Smith was getting dressed to go out and play on a Saturday morning and he was trying to reach the hook holding his brown belt while holding up his pants, but had to let go to reach that far.
“Whoa! I told ya…umph!!!” Smarty was now crumpled around little Billy’s ankles and as Billy tried to take a step over to fetch his belt he fell flat on his face!
“See…if you would just do what I told you, this never would have happened!” scolded Smarty.
So Billy Smith, sitting on his bedroom floor threaded his new brown belt through the belt loops and pulled the trousers up as he stood…”There!”
“Too tight….ugh….that’s way too tight….you’re strangling me….use the next hole for that buckle!” Smarty was now struggling to even speak…being “choked” by the new belt.
“Ah…how about being quiet for once or….or…I’ll tighten it up even farther!” Little Billy was beginning to lose his temper a bit.
But, being the very kind boy that he was, Billy loosened the belt and Smarty breathed a sigh of relief but was still “panting” from the lack of oxygen.
Then as Billy opened up his shirt drawer the brown buttondown yelled…”HEY…pick me Billy buddy!”
Then the blue knit shirt screamed…”No…me….you picked brownie b.d. just last Tuesday…it’s my turn.”
Billy said…”OK…you are both so selfish I’m not gonna pick either one of you!”… and he chose a plain quiet white T shirt from the bottom of the pile.
Then Billy heard a commotion coming from the bottom drawer and when he opened it, all the socks were jumping around pointing their toes at him and waving their tops wildly…”Me…..no ME…..hey ….me!!!…”
Billy shut the drawer….took off his shirt, pulled off his belt and removed his pants and went back to bed!

“George!”
“Abe!…ah….6042A….I don’t think we’ve ever met before.”
“No…3088D..I don’t believe so.”
“George….how did you get that notch there near the corner?”
“Oh that….yeah….zipper nipped me as she pulled me out to pay for a balloon at the Dollar Store. LOVE THAT PLACE.”
“Zippers…yeah….why can’t humans stick to the soft old folding wallets?”

“Progress…I guess. I hate those vending machines too, though I will admit they do help with the wrinkles you know!”

“By the way, I saw dozens of new Franklins last week when I passed through the First National Bank. I kinda like the older versions of those bills that look more like us don’t you?”
“Ah…progress again….but yes we’re more…classic…traditional…Abe.”

“By the way…I don’t really like going through the Federal Banks. I’m always nervous that they’ll examine me and decide that I’m too worn to stay in circulation.”
“Oh you’ve got a long time before …ah….I hate to say it….but you know….the SHREDDING!”
“Let’s change the subject Abe…oh wait is she gonna?…..yep….well…see you again I hope!”
“You’re gonna be with lots of friends here at the Dollar Store….see ya! George.”

“Gosh it’s lonely in here now that George is gone. I hope we go to the supermarket. I love being in those cash trays with lots of other Lincolns.”
Then a new voice yelled out….”Hey….you’re puttin’ me in the wrong….oh no…..”
“What are you doing in here? You don’t belong here this compartment is just for bills, legal tender, CASH!”
“Listen, I don’t like it any more than you do Lincoln….Might as well make the best of it….I’m Visa but you can just call me “VEE”!

One afternoon Jenny was walking along a small stream that ran near her home when she spotted an animal leaning down and drinking from the river. As she drew closer it looked just like a small horse, a pony maybe, but something was different. Something was VERY different!
The horse was sorta pinkish and had, believe it or not, a horn growing straight out of its forehead!
Jenny wondered if this was a confused goat with only one horn or a pony which had somehow been born with too much of whatever it was that made hooves and wound up with that whitish horn sticking out of its head.
Jenny just stood there staring at the strange pony when it suddenly jerked its head up out of the stream and looked over in her direction. It immediately jumped up from its lowered drinking position and turned to run away.
“Don’t run away…please…please stay…I won’t hurt you…. I promise!”
The animal had run a few steps then stopped, then slowly turned to look back at Jenny. She could see its horn really well now in profile as the pony looked at her. They both stared at each other for the longest time. Jenny didn’t want to move, afraid she’d scare the animal into running away again and the animal was not sure if there was danger with the little girl that had called out.
Finally, standing perfectly still and not moving at all Jenny said in a calm low voice “What kind of pony are you?” I’ve never seen a pony with a…horn…like yours …’though it’s a VERY nice one!”
The animal looked around and continued to stare then slowly turned its head to fully face Jenny and took one small step closer to her. Jenny stood perfectly still. The animal looked all around again and then, looking right at Jenny said…”I’m a Unicorn!”
Jenny’s eyes grew large and wide and she didn’t blink for the longest time.
“I…I’ve heard of…you…” Her heart was beating so fast and so loud that she thought perhaps the Unicorn could hear it!
“I’m…lost!” the Unicorn said to Jenny in a soft sad voice.
“Where is your home?”
“Well…it’s up the river…or maybe down the river…but I’ve forgotten which way. It was dark when I left…well…actually RAN away!”
“Why…Oh my…why did you run away from your home?”
“Some…people…not really very nice people were going to take me off to the city.”
“What about your parents or…ah…your owner or whatever you had…?”
“I don’t know what happened really. One day those people just came and tried to rope me and they had a van and all…” A large tear fell out of the Unicorn’s eye and it put its head down…”…so I ran away! I’m a VERY fast runner…but…I guess my sense of direction isn’t the best!”
“Oh Dear…that’s not nice of them at all!”
Jenny walked slowly up to the animal and gently put her hand out to pet the Unicorn. The animal startled at her first touch but then let her stroke its neck. Two more tears fell from its eyes.
“I’m very sorry that you’re sad.”
“I’m sorry that I’m sad too.”
“Do you want to…go back home?”
“I don’t know…I guess not…not now.”
“Well…I don’t know what to do for you or where to hide you.”
“I just KNOW somebody is going to see me and try to…” More tears fell.
“Well…I’ve got an idea. We’ll ask my Daddy what to do. He’s very smart and he likes horses…ah well…I’m sure he’d like Unicorns too…and…”
“NO! Adults don’t understand about Unicorns…not at all…you can’t tell him about me!”
“Don’t worry…my Daddy is different…he WILL understand and know exactly what to do…I’m sure!”
‘Oh my…I’m not so sure…I haven’t had a whole lot of luck with adults so far…”
“JENNY…JENNY…it’s time for dinner….”
“Oh…That’s him…. my Daddy…please don’t be afraid!”
“Oh…There you are….WHAT???….Jenny whose pony is …a PINK pony???”
“Daddy…this is a scared and lost….Unicorn that needs to hide from some mean city people that tried to get him!”
“A UNICORN…I thought…they were just…a REAL UNICORN???”
“Yes Daddy…see his horn?” Then she whispered….”…he’s very scared.”
“Ah…well…what should we…what CAN we do with him…it…whatever?”
“We have to hide him…make him look like a pony. Maybe Miss Stephanie at Wild Horses Farms riding school could hide him for us.”
“It’s a UNICORN Jenny…and a PINK one at that!”
“Oh Daddy think of something please!”
“We can’t take him home…but…wait…I’ve got an idea…ah…just wait here…both of you!”
Jenny’s father left and the Unicorn said “He…seems…nice and all…but he’s still an adult and I…”
“Don’t worry…he’ll help us…I’m sure of it!”
After a few minutes Jenny’s Daddy came back with an old straw hat and a can of gray spray paint.
“Here Jenny…put this hat over his horn and I’ll spray the pinkest parts of him and he’ll look like a gray pony and we’ll take him over to Miss Stephanie and see if we can make her understand…although I’m not sure I actually do…well anyway…let’s do it!”
Jenny and her Daddy sprayed the Unicorn and as they did, the Unicorn said…”That tickles!”
“Yeah…maybe it does…but it’s better than crying!” The Unicorn had to agree to that!
When they had finished, Jenny put the straw hat on the Unicorn’s head and completed the camoflage. The pink Unicorn looked just like any gray pony with a silly straw hat on its head.
“What do you think Jenny?”

“Yeah Daddy…it’s great!”

‘Let’s get him over to the horse farm and see if we can make Miss Stephanie understand.”

The three of them walked over to the stables creating some stares and snickers from the few folks that saw them but they finally got to Wild Horses Farms.

“What have we here?” Miss Stephanie met the trio at the gate.

“It’s a kinda strange story Miss Stephanie…may we all come in…we’d like to board our…ah…pony?” asked Jenny’s father.

“My what a cute pony you have there. Sure come on in…I think I have just the perfect companion for your…ah…pony!”

Jenny and her father breathed a sigh of relief but then started to wonder how they would tell Miss Stephanie that their …ah…pony…was really a Unicorn. Miss Stephanie led them all back to a small stable in the very rear of the property far away from the road, with its own pasture, trough  and bales of hay.

“This is very nice back here Miss Stephanie.” said Jenny.

“Yes Jenny…I think it will be the perfect place to keep your…UNICORN!”

Jenny, her Daddy and even the Unicorn were stunned! “H-How did you know…that…our pony…”

Miss Stephanie opened the narrow stable door and there, its head down in the hay eating, was a very pink…very horned… Unicorn!

Then Jenny’s Unicorn  smiled and nodded at the other Unicorn and as Miss Stephanie took Jenny’s Unicorn’s hat off she said “I thought mine was the last Unicorn…I’ve had her since I was eight years old!”

“It may take a while for the gray paint to wear off Jenny, but I think they’ll both be very happy here…and you can come and visit anytime you wish!”

“Oh thank you Miss Stephanie, and Daddy…I can tell my Unicorn is happy now…he’s not crying anymore and I think…yes I’m sure…he’s smiling.”

Jenny’s Unicorn went over and put his head down next to the other Unicorn and began to eat some hay too.

And ever since that day…Jenny has visited with her happy Unicorn and gotten to know Miss Stephanie’s Unicorn too. And no one else in the whole world knew about the secret Unicorns and that’s the way Jenny, Daddy and Miss Stephanie wanted it…not to mention the two Unicorns…neither of which was thankfully, the Last Unicorn!

“OK who’s next?”
The basketball coach heard two grunts coming from somewhere behind the lineup of hopeful Junior Varsity tryouts.
“What? Somebody have a problem…or something….?”
Then the tall front line of future players parted slightly and three foot eleven Billy Klein squeezed through….”Me coach…you didn’t let me tryout yet!”
“Ah…well…this is the tryouts for the JV “BASKETBALL” team…were you looking for the….soccer tryouts maybe?”
“No…I wanna play JV Basketball and get my school letter and sew it on my sweater so everyone knows that I made….”
The coach interrupted “Ah…let’s get serious ah…what’s your name….?”
“Ah….Billy…Smith….Sir…I know I’m a bit …well…more compact than these guys but just….”
“Listen…Billy Smith…I don’t get much time to use the gym….sorry! Anyhow I’m pretty sure I’ve already selected the players for this season…go see coach Martin about soccer.”
Then the coach blew the whistle and yelled…”OK men hit the showers!” The “team” dispersed quickly leaving Billy all alone in the center of the court.
He felt like crying but then just as he turned to leave the Gym in a state of depression he spotted a basketball in the far corner. He went over and picked up the ball and looked at it…then looking at the basket which was 30 feet away, Billy set his feet squarely and with both hands launched the ball…mostly in utter dispair because he didn’t get a chance to even try out!
“Swish!!!” The ball went straight into the basket…all net!
“That was fun thought Billy and did it again three more times moving another step back for each successive shot.
“SWISH…SWISH…SWISH!”
Then Billy just let the ball bounce on until it rolled back into the corner and he headed for the Gym exit.
As he got to the door the basketball coach opened it and said “Congratulations Billy…you’re on the team!”

There once was a family named Bleeker
All six of them lived in a sneaker
It was a giant size
And their home they did prize
But when it rained it was a leaker

When they bought it they got a good deal
But the problems they had were quite real
When the rain started in
“Let the mopping begin!”
Mrs. Bleeker would yell from the heel

The kids thought the house was real neat
Living there was a real feat
The roof had this big hole
Staying dry the main goal
They would never give up in defeat

In summer the sneaker got hot
Air conditioning they had not!
And you couldn’t go
Down into the toe
That room smelled bad as it got!

When the Bleekers grew up, moved away
The sneaker began to decay
It was torn down
And they built on that ground
A new high heeled pump that was gray!