Freddy opened his mouth for his morning “ribbit” and absolutely nothing came out. He tried again and again but still…nothing. This had never happened before. Well he couldn’t croak when he was a tadpole but neither could any of the other tadpoles in the pond.
If a frog can’t croak…well….he might as well be a salamander…not that there’s anything wrong with being a salamander but Freddy had heard his father’s booming bull frog croak and wanted to be and sound just like him.
Since Freddy was a “wild” frog he wasn’t even aware that veterinarians existed. Frogs, like all animals that live in nature have to deal with illness and injuries on their own. Freddy hoped that his voice would return very soon and he tried gargling stream water but that didn’t help.
Freddie was hoping that none of his pond friends would notice his “not” croaking but as Sammy slug slithered by he whispered ” What’s a matta…got a frog in yer throat? Hee Hee Hee…..” and he slimed on down the rock on the pond bank leaving his tell-tale track.
“Now everyone’s gonna know that I can’t croak. That Sammy is such a gossipy slug!”
But there were other pond residents that were sympathetic to Freddy’s condition and waved their fins or shook their shells as Tommy the turtle did but none had a solution for Freddy’s condition.
As Freddy was contemplating his next attempt at a cure an infrequent visitor to the pond a large white swan landed and glided nearby to Freddy. “Oh Miss swan do you know anything about…ah sore throats? I noticed that you have a very long neck and so at one time or another you must have….” But the swan held up a black webbed foot and shook her head and then immediately flew off dripping water as she rose into the air and circled the pond then flew off. At first Freddy thought that the swan’s actions were very rude then later he found out from Mr. Mallard that she was actually a “Mute Swan” and that explained everything!
Then Freddy thought about who would be the smartest, wisest animal that he knew and as he was wondering, he heard “WHO…Wh…WHO…”
It was the barn owl Ollie. Surely he was the smartest animal around the pond Freddy would ask him. But wait! Owls sometimes liked to dine on reptilians but Freddy was an amphibian wasn’t he? Well, just to be safe Freddy waited until Ollie had finished his dinner or breakfast or whatever it was. You couldn’t be sure with owls, they keep such odd hours.
When Freddy was certain that Ollie was hooting an “after meal” hoot he jumped around to get Ollie’s attention. After all he couldn’t yell up at him. It took a while but finally Ollie saw Freddie and swooped down and landed on the rock next to Freddy’s lily pad.
“What’s up?” asked Ollie wiping his beak off with his left talon. Freddy pointed to his throat and whispered…”I can’t croak….”
“Ummmm…have you tried gargling?”
“Yep!” whispered Freddy.
“Ummmm….well….maybe you could hop over to that house over there and get onto the back porch. A kid lives there and he’ll want to keep you as a pet and when he finds out you are a frog that can’t croak his Mom will give you human medicine and cure you. Then you can escape back here. Well…see you later!” and the Owl flew off quickly and silently back up into his tree hollow.
“Pretty smart!” thought Freddy but then he remembered that his Dad had told him to watch out for humans because some of them eat….Freddy didn’t even want to finish the thought about his frog legs and decided that Ollie’s suggestion just wouldn’t do.
Freddy also tended to dismiss the suggestions of the nearby squirrels because he thought that they were nuts. A honey bee said that honey was a great treatment for a sore throat but wasn’t about to give up any in his hive and Freddy had no way of getting up to the nest anyway.
After about three days of inquiry and contemplation Freddy was just about to give up and be a “mute” frog…perhaps the world’s first, when Pierre the rabbit hopped by. Freddy was about to ask him about curing laryngitis but then realized rabbits never talked anyhow, they just wiggled their noses and ears and silence was one of their defenses to predators. Oh yes and a rabbit’s very fast legs too, let them scoot away from danger.
Freddy decided to give his throat just one last try before committing himself to a life of non-croaking when a faint, and somewhat crackling “Ribbit” emitted from his throat. “Huh?” He tried again and as he kept trying his voice kept getting stronger and stronger and soon he was about 95% back to his old croaky self.
All of the other pond animals heard him and some inhabitants of the pond were happier to hear Freddy return to his natural croaking state than others.
The mayflys and crickets and mosquitoes were delighted to return to the pond now that they could tell exactly where Freddy was, which let them be sure that they were as very far from Freddy as they could get.
“I guess sometime you just have to let nature take it’s course!” said Freddy, which of course it always does.

“I don’t know why I sit here, hour after hour on this uncomfortable bank…wetting my line. That’s really all I’m doing! I just might be the worst fisherman EVER! It IS relaxing, actually it’s boring if truth be told. And with the cost of the rod and reel, the bait, these waders that I never use and the vest. I DO love the vest though with all the pockets and little loops for the flys, the khaki “Ernest Hemingway” look of it. He was a FISHERMAN…” THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA” , but he was more of a BILL fisherman. He’d never sit on a muddy bank like this for hours on end and then make a stop by the fish market on the way home to salvage at least SOME of his masculine dignity…no he’d NEVER do that.”

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“This hook is KILLIN’ me! It really hurts and it’s very restrictive too. I just KNOW I’m gonna drown! I just know it! But does HE care? NO, I DON’T THINK SO!…he just sits there all relaxed, NOT in pain…NOT drowning…and these pesky fish scare me, bumping into me with their lips, I guess they are lips. I don’t think I can take much more of this. If the idiot had just…kinda…cut me in two at least half of me could go on my merry way…BUT NO!!! He wants me to wriggle …well I’ve got news for him…I AIN’T wrigglin’. If I, perish the thought, play “dead” these stupid fish won’t even notice me and jerkface there might reel me back in and replace me with cousin Harvey… HATE that worm…and throw me away on that beautiful muddy bank. Well, that’s my plan and I’m stickin’ to it!!!”

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Look at that dufus up there on the bank. What does he think…we’re STUPID or somethin’? I mean, even a smelt wouldn’t fall for that old “worm on the hook” trick. He didn’t even put the bait on properly…look you can clearly see the point stickin’ through that ugly unappealing earthworm. I mean, it practically takes your appetite away! Excuse me a second there’s a Mayfly on the surface…”GULP!”…got ‘em! Love it! Well anyhow, I think it’s an affront to all of us fish the way some of these “sport” fishermen show such utter disrespect for our intellagence don’t you Charlie…ah…Charlie? Where are you…OH NO!…Charlie…how could you???”

The cabin door opened and when I saw the bright warm sunshine glinting off of that shiny wing I flew straight out of there as fast as I could!
I had been trapped in that airplane for hours. Shouldn’t have followed that kid onto that plane in the first place but that cheese steak sandwich smelled SO GOOD! (Never did get to land on it!)
But then, even though I was warm, I was hungry and I had no idea where I was or where to go.
Just then another fly buzzed by and I followed him until he lit on a hamburger wrapper.
“Hey ah, where am I buddy?”
“Huh…what kinda accent y’all got there anyhow?”
“Oh…well, just got off of the flight from Philly.”
“Well, there’s another one going back in an hour try to get on that one.” The new fly obviously did NOT want to be friends. But he continued: “I don’t mean to be mean, but I just got off of the flight from Atlanta and I can’t understand a single word they are buzzin’ here in Dallas.”
So I went into the terminal and buzzed around looking for something to eat while I waited for my next flight and I just happened onto a discarded brisket sandwich. Well, I though the Philly cheese steak was good but that brisket…WOW!
To make a long story short I made my home in Dallas and live behind Pete’s Brisket Palace with a mess of friends and some cousins that just flew in from Fort Worth.
Gotta go. Here comes young Jimmy with the trash! Yum!

Sparky was having a nice day until Santa arrived. Santa said, “It’s new year’s eve… only 51 more weeks until Christmas.”
Sparky responded, “That’s plenty of time to get ready for Christmas 2019 isn’t it Santa?”
“Not if we’re going to make toys that take 52 weeks to build!”
Well, Santa was right about that but what efficient Elf would EVER take that long to do anything?
“Snoddington the elder elf would take even longer!” Santa responded!
Sparky knew that was true but Snoddington wasn’t due to retire until 2020.
Then Sparky had an idea. He whipped out his smartphone 3000 and called his new best friend that was the very best toy wrapper EVER!.
Yep…you guessed it Easter Bunny!
The Bunster showed up the very next morning with 5 million yards of Saranwrap and 50 million feet of red and green ribbon and 4 frozen jelly beans.
So no matter what you are doing this year or where you are doing it Santa, Sparky and the Easter Bunny will be wrapping presents for December 24, 2018 except for Easter morning when EB has the day off.
The National TV network is scheduling a game show this year at the North Pole to see who can wrap presents of various and sundry sizes and  weights and be declared “Wrapper of The World!”
Be sure to tune in!

‘Twas the day after Christmas
And all through the store
Great lines of people
stretched out of the door

They carried those presents
Unwrapped and unwanted
That they received yesterday
They were tired but undaunted

“I want to get something
In exchange for my gift
It’s been a tiring Christmas
And I need a lift!”

“That’s not why I’m here
Oh no, no…. not me
I just love my present
But I already have three!”

“I’m bringing mine back
That I got from my Honey
It’s kinda nice
But I’d rather have money!”

“I really like my gift
In fact, I think it’s great
But it was given to me
By someone I hate!”

“I can’t wait in line
Very long in this store
I’ve got other presents
That came from five more”

“I’ve got no time for this
And it’s a heck of a trek
We had family over
And the house is a wreck!”

“I know what you mean
I’m the same way too
I’m so glad it’s over
There’s too much to do”

“Well I’m very happy
To be in this store
Because counting today
There’s 364 more…

Days until Christmas
The most it can be
And the more days there are
The happier are we!”

And there were those too,
Who were saddened a bit
They only were there
‘Cause their gifts didn’t fit!

So Santa was finished
And Christmas was done
But the post Christmas cleanup
Is surely not fun

But it is a tradition
Every year at this time
And we have to give gifts
Almost spend our last dime

But it’s good for business
So it never ends
That’s why were all here
With most of our friends

Then one tiny hand
Reached out…tugged a skirt
“God hear’s you talking
And I know it must hurt

It’s his baby’s birthday
Jesus his son
That’s why we have Christmas
‘Cause he loved everyone

For our gift He gave Jesus
To us one and all…
Our gift’s in the manger
And not in the mall!”

As Santa returned from his worldwide tour
Mrs. Claus met him at the Polar front door
“You look tired my Dear more than last year
I hope all went well and I’m glad you are here!”

“May I get you some tea or a sandwich to eat?”
“No…I’m full of cookies and I’m dead on my feet!”
As Santa rested in his big easy chair
He noticed a large package…”What is that there?”

“Did I not gift some girl or some boy…
A small child that I’ve failed to bring Christmas joy?”
“No Dear…not at all!” Mrs. Claus then replied
“It was brought by someone who left it outside!”

“The tag said “To Santa…Father Christmas…St. Nick…
And whomever left it was quiet and quick!”
“Ah that I was as quiet and quick as before
I was almost seen at three houses or four!”

“Perhaps I’ve gotten too old for this task
Each Christmas I wonder…Will this be my last?”
“Well it would be nice if you were younger that’s true
In just one evening there’s so much to do.”

“But open your package….it’s your first present ever!”
“No one sends Santa a present…no never!”
Santa ripped the gift wrapping off like a child
Excitement danced in his eyes like fire wild

Then suddenly a great light shone from within
The gift was so bright it made the sun seem quite dim
And after a minute the light quickly went black
Knocking Santa over, he lay flat on his back!

“Oh my Dear are you all right?
That strange package had an unworldly light!”
Santa leaped high up…two feet off the ground
“Yes Dear I think…I think I’m all sound”

“What?…Did you see that…did you see what I did?
I jumped up off that floor like I was a…kid!”
“Oh yes Dear I saw that and you look younger too!”
“I feel full of life and…well…I feel almost new!”

And then Santa kissed her as they both shed a tear!
“I’m so excited…I can’t wait for next year!”

All of my socks are but a size two
They wouldn’t hold much so I knew what to do
I borrowed my Grandpa’s…his feet are really big
And I hope that Dear Santa doesn’t think I’m a Pig!

I hung Grandpa’s stocking by the chimney with care
If I’d hung up size two…well it wouldn’t be fair
Most kids I know hang socks that are HUGE
I hope no one thinks that I’m being a Scrooge

But I have something that I want to report
And I’ll try to make this long story short
When I woke up early last Christmas morn
Left instead of MY sock was one that was worn

It was all red and fuzzy with a tear in the toe
It looked like it had been left out in the snow
And there was a note on the table nearby
It was written by Santa and it started out “HI…

“…I hope you don’t mind and your Grandfather too
But I tore my stocking when I slipped on your roof
So I borrowed your sock to aid me tonight
To help keep my toes warm and solve my small plight”

Well I thought Santa’s sock was the best gift EVER
And I told lots of folks but…believe me?…NEVER!
But I know it’s true and it’s just like I said
It’s Santa’s real stocking and it’s really quite red!

But the neatest of all I’ve yet to tell
About three days later I heard the doorbell
It was UPS and a guy dressed in brown
“I’ve a package from the North Pole’s Lost and Found

Sign here if you want it”…and so I did
Then guess what was there when I opened the lid?
YEP! Grandpa’s stocking…as good as new
And a note from Santa that just read “Thank You!”

“Eve Dear, have you seen this year’s Christmas list? I can’t seem to locate it.”
Santa was looking in all the usual places.
“Why no Snookums, I haven’t seen it since last December”…replied Mrs. Claus.
“Well that was last year’s “GOOD” list and things may have drastically changed since then.” Santa said, while accidentally overturning the ribbon bin.
“Perhaps one of the elves has it to get a count of how many of a certain gift to make.” Mrs. Claus suggested.
“No…Elphonso would have told me…but I’ll check with him anyway.”
Santa buzzed the workshop on his special phone that was a gift from the C.E.O. of A.T.and T. who never did forget that Santa had brought him the Southern Pacific train set one Christmas when that C.E.O.’s parents were unemployed.
“Yes Boss…Elphonso here!” answered the senior elf.
Santa asked about the list but got no positive answer from the busy workshop.
“Oh my!” exclaimed Santa. “Without that list even very misbehaving children will be getting top shelf gifts and that would set a very bad precedent!”
“Maybe the children who KNEW that they were not really as good as they could have been during the year will appreciate the kindness and forgiveness if you treat them as “Good List” kids.” Mrs. Claus slyly suggested.
“Hmmm….well…it may come to that if I can’t locate my list.”
Santa resumed digging through the back of the closet under the red and white trimmed suits stored there.
It was WAY too late to compile a new list and it wouldn’t be fair to use last year’s list, so Santa just sat in his big easy chair and resigned himself that Mrs. Claus’ suggestion of gifting EVERY kid would be his decision for at least this Christmas.
And kids…that was YESTERDAY!
So…all of you kids out there that were not exactly on your best behavior this year, (and you all know who you are) will get a gift from the Jolly Old Elf this Christmas.
So my suggestion to you is to enjoy the benefits of a “Good List” kid and do your very best to earn your own way onto the list next year.
Because we all know that Santa isn’t going to lose next year’s list don’t we!

Santa was busily delivering his Christmas bounty of gifts to GOOD little girls and boys when, instead of going on to the Smith’s house, next on his list, he circled around the Jones’ roof where he had just been because Santa thought that he had forgotten to leave the red bike with training wheels that Tommy had asked for.
Santa saw his own footprints in the snow but he also spotted a small person with a bag similar to his and the person was wearing a mask!
“What’s this?” exclaimed Santa. “This person is following me and I do believe that they may be taking the gifts that I’m leaving and that makes Santa very angry.”
Santa hovered the sleigh and commanded the reindeer to be very quiet as he watched to see the “bandit” emerge from the chimney, looking all around to see if they were being watched.
But they didn’t look up into the sky where Santa was hovering and that’s when Santa swooped in to land right in front of the “bandit” trapping them between the sled and the Jones’ chimney.
“SO!” Santa yelled, startling the person.
“Exactly WHAT are you doing following me and raiding the houses that I’ve gifted?”
“I…well…I…just…” the would be “Bandit” took off their mask as they spoke, and lo and behold it was a rather young woman who was speaking to Santa.
” I…was…just delivering these gift certificates to each house that you visit in this neighborhood. I figured that if you visit a home there must be good and deserving kids living there and I wanted to make sure these worthy families received the food vouchers so that they can have an even better Christmas.”
“Well…I’m amazed young lady, but why are you wearing the mask when you are doing such a noble deed?”
“I didn’t want anyone to know that I left the certificates and not Santa…well…you, Sir.”
“Hmmm…I see…I think. That’s a wonderful and generous thing that you’re doing but I don’t think that I should be given credit for something that you did.. But…tell you what! Why don’t you ride along with me from here on until you finish your generous giving?”
“Oh Santa, that would be wonderful!”
“And by the way, I recall leaving you that “Raggedy Ann” doll back a few years ago. You were a mostly good little girl “SARAH”, and you sure have become a fine young woman!”
And Sarah and Santa and the nine reindeer flew off to finish the Christmas Eve giving that is the true spirit that everyone should cherish and continue forever.

Now don’t get me wrong here…Santa is definately not the superstitious type. However, and I’m not sure he wants everyone to know about this: he does have one little itsy bitsy quirk about flying that he is 100% convinced brings him good luck 100% of the time.
Before I tell you all exactly what it is however, please allow me to start at the very beginning.
It was so long ago that even Santa can’t remember the year. He had rigged his first sleigh and hitched up the reindeer(with the help of the “stable Elves” which includes me, your story teller for today, Marcellus….but just call me Marc)
Mrs. Claus could sense that he was nervous and brought him a nice hot cup of Chamomile Tea with a drop of honey.
“Why thank you Eve.” Santa said to her and gave her a big hug. Santa hates Chamomile Tea by the way, but he drank it down in just three gulps smiling all the while.
Mrs. Claus walked Santa out to the sleigh and gave him a kiss on one of his apple red cheeks and wished him a good flight. And without Santa knowing it Mrs. Claus slipped something into his left outside pocket.
It wasn’t until Santa was airborne and had leveled off headed South (remember EVERYTHING is South of the North Pole)he reached into his pocket and felt a small object that he knew that he hadn’t put there.
Would you like to take a guess as to what it was?

All good guesses but actually it was a very small and very well crafted golden pair of lucky wings made secretly by the workshop elves and every year Santa makes sure that the wings are in his left pocket before he takes off to fly to your house.