There’s a rumor going ’round that I wish to quell
It’s caused me some embarrassment I suppose that you can tell
I’ve heard them with their whispering right behind my back
I want to set the story straight so here’s the baldfaced fact

I did NOT kiss a fish… no I didn’t even try
And when they point and say I did…it’s a total lie
First of all dolphin’s are mammals…and will always be
And I never EVER kissed one…the truth is….she kissed ME!

“Get your heel outta my face please!”
“Hey…like I can help it or somethin’!  I got some ugly argyle toe in MY face!”
“Ah watch who yer callen ugly Laddie.”
“Yeah…well…I just want my mate…I haven’t seen Lefty in weeks.”
“Me too…it’s so nice in that sock drawer chattin’ with those other matched pairs…ah…I really  miss it.”
“The WORST are those athletic socks…they never really do get completely clean and they’re so thick and take up so much of our space here!”
Then there was a whimper and sob coming from the top of the pile.
“There there…you’ll be OK little one…we’re all here with you.”
The baby sock with it’s pink ruffle was very sad having just come from the last dryer load.
“I….I….think my match is…..ooohhhh….still in the dryer….CAUGHT!”
“Yeah…happened to golf sock over there…never did find his mate. Oh I shouldn’t have said that should I?”
“Boo Hoo…I’ll never see him again.”
“Now Now….it’ll be OK…you’ll see.
Then all of a sudden the woven basket that held them was lifted and dumped on the big bed. Then soon after, another pile of socks was thrown onto the bed.
“Hey….there’s my….HEY OVER HERE!”
Then human hands started matching up all the socks and folded and tucked the pairs together and threw them into the sock drawer. All of the socks were happy except one old striped one with a hole in the toe.”So long guys maybe I’ll see you all again soon.”
The little baby sock with the pink ruffle was still sad so the striped sock let it snuggle up as they were placed back into the woven basket.
“Maybe next time little one.” Then whispering to himself….”I HATE dryers!”

“No “FOR SALE” signs. No Real Estate Agents. No Open House events with cookies and personal tours. (LOVE cookies by the way) But on the plus side, my new house will be free…NO MORTGAGE!”
Actually my “House” is more like a camper. I started out small with a shell previously owned by a snail. But I soon outgrew it and had to find a bigger one. I’m on my fifth home now and I’m getting a little cramped.”
“And by the way. I don’t mean to disparage molluscs, but some of those previous owner snails really leave a messy shell. I ALWAYS do my housecleaning when moving on.”
“Ah….there….over by the turfgrass. WOW…what a beautiful golden brown color with tiny dots of dark brown. Let’s see. Looks pretty clean in there. Has to be a caring Hermit crab.”
“UGH! Wouldn’t you know it. Just a wee bit too tight. That is indeed a shame. I loved that Metropolitan style of the shell. Oh Well…the search goes on.”
“But wait. There over by the path. That one isn’t quite as stylish but it is HUGE!”
“HELLO…Hello…hello” Man it even has an echo!” I’ll just do a walk through….Gosh it’s roomy in here.” I think this one is perfect…well, except for the dull grey color….but maybe that’s good for camouflage.”
“Oh I LOVE IT…I’ll just….WAIT….this thing is heavy….WAY too heavy. I don’t want to have to carry this load around all day and running? Forget about that!”
“Shame.” Well I guess I have to go to the last resort and see my former owner Mary. She released me back into the “wild” when she left for college.”
“Mary will be able to solve my “Goldilocks” problem.”
“How can Mary help you may ask. She sells sea shells by the sea shore!”

“May I introduce to you the King Of Silly
To whom you always must bow willy nilly”
“And every time to him you address
Our Royal King… as “Your Sillyness!”

The Kingdom wasn’t always silly you see
It used to be as sad as any could be
Then our King one day passed a decree
“ALL subjects must at once be quite SILLY!”

Well many found it easy to be
As silly as…well as silly as he
But some like Mr. Perious
Had a difficult time not being serious

The King sent his envoy over to meet
With Mr. Perious living on Somber Street
But it didn’t take long to correct his woes
With huge orange shoes and a big red nose

Then there was the librarian named Miss Proper
She was always serious and we couldn’t stop her
A simple solution was a feather dress
That constantly tickled…everywhere you could guess

So the Kingdom was peopled with the silliest kind
That had never a serious thought on their mind
We were all happy telling jokes and singing a song
That is…until YOU came along!

GET SILLY!

Guffaw was sitting over in the corner of the jungle path with his head hung down and feeling very sad.
“Hey Guff what’s up?” asked Webby the spider monkey.
“Oh…I…..just…..I don’t know.” Guffaw moaned.
“What’s the joke du jour Guff ole pal?” said Anna the Anaconda.
“I think something has made him very sad.” observed Webby.
“SQUAWK!….Hey GUFF….tell us a funny one eh?” remarked Bluey the Hyacinth Macaw.
“I’ve never seen him like this before!” said Anna and all the others agreed.
“Hey Guff…Whaddaya call a guy that has to entertain animals all his days?….A Zookeeper! Ha…get it?” Webby was trying to cheer up Guffaw but it wasn’t working.
The animals all tried different things to cheer up their jungle pal but even a tickle under his chin from Anna didn’t change Guffaw’s sad mood.
“Maybe…Guff realizes that not everything in life is funny. That some things are quite serious and not in the least bit humorous.” Bluey was a smart bird. All of the other animals agreed to that. After all, Hyacinthe Macaws were the only ones in that particular South American jungle that could imitate that awful sounding human voice.
Well…all the animals tried everything they could think of to cheer up Guffaw and make him laugh again and finally after Webby had hung upside down by his prehensile tail and scratched himself and made “funny” noises and still no response from Guff, Webby said…”Well I guess we all just have to give up!”
Then as all of the animals began to leave, Webby slipped on a banana peel and fell down.
“HA HA HA…..Ho….that WAS FUNNY!!!!” Guffaw was laughing so much his sides started to hurt.
Well Webby’s sides and arm hurt too and he said to Guffaw…”Some things are funny and you can laugh but….I think I hurt my “humerus” bone!”

There was a sad little 16th note that wanted to be much more in the staff of life. He didn’t even like his name. In Britain he was called a semiquaver but that wasn’t much better even though a “semi” IS better than a sixteenth of something.
“I wish I could be a quarter note or even an eighth note. I don’t dare hope to be a half note and whole notes act like they don’t even know I exist!”
Then one afternoon in a semi-famous composer’s music room the old gentleman drew the sixteenth note incorrectly and only placed one flaring line instead of two.
The 16th note was suddenly now an eighth note and was happy for the first time in ages.
But then he noticed that he was also a “B” note.
“Well…that’s disappointing”…the eighth (really sixteenth) note moaned. “I always wanted to be middle C!”
The moral of this little story is…”Be proud of who and what you really are and be the best that you can be. And every time you get the chance, make sure to do your finest and always be kind to 32nd notes.”

Grandma’s Gift

Lucy loved visiting her grandma every weekend. She always had something new to show her, like a painting she made or a cake she baked. Grandma was very creative and talented, and Lucy wanted to be just like her.

One day, Lucy asked her grandma how she learned to do so many things. Grandma smiled and said, “Well, my dear, I have a secret. Do you want to know what it is?” Lucy nodded eagerly. Grandma took her hand and led her to a small room in the back of the house. There, on a shelf, was a collection of colorful books. Each book had a title like “How to Paint”, “How to Bake”, “How to Knit”, and so on.

“These are my magic books,” Grandma said. “They contain all the knowledge and skills I have acquired over the years. Whenever I want to learn something new, I just open one of these books and follow the instructions. They are very easy and fun to read.”

Lucy was amazed. She looked at the books with wonder and curiosity. She wanted to read them all. “Can I borrow one of these books, Grandma?” she asked.

“Of course, my dear,” Grandma said. “You can borrow any book you like. But there is one condition. You have to promise me that you will use the book only for good purposes, and that you will return it when you are done.”

Lucy agreed. She chose a book titled “How to Write Stories”. She thanked her grandma and hugged her. She ran home with the book in her hands, eager to start writing her own stories.

The next weekend, Lucy came back to visit her grandma. She brought with her a folder full of stories she had written using the book. She showed them to her grandma, who read them with delight. She praised Lucy for her imagination and creativity.

“I’m so proud of you, Lucy,” Grandma said. “You have a gift for writing stories. You should share them with others.”

Lucy smiled. She felt happy and proud too. She thanked her grandma for lending her the book and asked if she could borrow another one.

“Of course, my dear,” Grandma said. “You can borrow any book you like. But remember the condition.”

Lucy nodded. She chose a book titled “How to Play Piano”. She thanked her grandma and hugged her. She ran home with the book in her hands, eager to start playing piano.

This went on for several weeks. Lucy borrowed different books from her grandma and learned new skills every week. She became very good at painting, baking, knitting, playing piano, and many other things. She also shared her creations with others, who admired and appreciated them.

Lucy loved learning new things from the books. But she loved spending time with her grandma even more. She realized that the books were not only magic, but also precious. They were grandma’s gift to her.

One day, Lucy decided to give something back to her grandma. She borrowed a book titled “How to Make Jewelry”. She used the book to make a beautiful necklace for her grandma. She put it in a box and wrapped it with a ribbon.

The next weekend, Lucy came back to visit her grandma. She brought with her the box with the necklace inside. She gave it to her grandma and said, “This is for you, Grandma. Thank you for everything.”

Grandma opened the box and saw the necklace. She gasped and smiled. She put it on and looked at herself in the mirror.

“It’s beautiful,” Grandma said. “You made this?”

“Yes,” Lucy said. “I used one of your books.”

Grandma hugged Lucy and kissed her cheek.

“Thank you, my dear,” Grandma said. “This is the best gift I ever received.”

Lucy smiled.

“No, Grandma,” Lucy said. “You are the best gift I ever received!

“Hi! The keys on my keyboard are helping me give a shout out to you today. Normally I’m not a very popular key because you see I’m the DELETE button.”
“Oh, I do have a few close friends like the space bar (who never says much but is a great listener) and the backspace arrow, who kinda does the same job as me, so we have something in common.”
“The most popular keys like E and ENTER never want to chat. I’ve never shared a single word with CTRL…EVER.”
“I can’t actually figure out why I’m so unpopular with almost all of the other keys, after all I give them another chance to be used over again later. But I’m content with my role on the keyboard and actually I believe that I’m one of the most popular keys. Why do I think that you ask? Because my writer Russ makes so many mistakes, he actually uses me more than any other key.”
“I was going to chat longer but I’m an expert about knowing when to delete.”

“Look over there…by the bench.”
“Hey….yeah….isn’t that funny. I don’t think I ever saw one that hungry before.”
“Naw…me either.”
“Look at that one …prancing around like a Peacock or something.”
“Amazing. They are so busy eating I don’t think they care whether we’re watching them or not.”
“You must admit…it IS fascinating.”
“Well…yeah I agree with that. Some of my friends think I’m batty watching them and all of their colorful idiosyncrasies.”
“I especially like feeding times. How they all scramble and get in lines and sometimes get pushy. The bigger ones always seem to elbow their way to the food.”
“Well…are we done here today?”
“Yeah…I think so. Want to go get something to eat ourselves?”
“Sure. Over on the corner there’s a great place to eat.”
“My FAVORITE place. They always have the deluxe mix with the nuts and berries. Let’s fly over there now.”

“I’m really getting full already and it’s only…I have to wait until he stops shaking his head so that I can see the clock…ah….yeah…WOW 6:46 AM… that’s a new record.”
“You know some of this stuff he throws away isn’t all that bad. This one about the five legged cat is pretty good…oh but wait…um… dangling participle in that second paragraph and inconsistent tense…and….yeah…he was right to chuck that one.”
“OUCH! Another paper cut. HEY…CAN’T YOU WAD THEM UP TIGHTER BEFORE YOU THROW THEM AT ME HEMINGWAY!!!”
“Oh what’s the use he can’t hear me anyhow. What was that last one about?”
“A two headed cow that argues with himself constantly…he’s into the “weird animal syndrome” again. Didn’t work before…LAST FIVE TIMES!”
“I wonder if I can get moved to the spare bedroom so I can finally get some sleep. Naw…won’t happen. He likes the fact that I look like a basketball goal and I guess my decor won’t integrate into that lilac and pink bedroom anyway. I’m doomed!”
“Hey…you know what…I just noticed? It’s been 14 minutes since he’s trashed me with a reject wad and he’s been typing like crazy.
You don’t suppose…Naw couldn’t be…but then….he’s still at it. Do you think….”
“He’s jumping up and down and whooping…you know I think he actually finished writing something…He’s holding the pages…let me see if I can….OH JUST TURN THEM TO THE LEFT A BIT SHAKESPEARE SO I CAN SEE…”
“Well…I’ll be…there’s the title…”SILLY GRANDPA’S WASTEPAPER BASKET!”