Silly Grandpa

Where all children are grand!

Archive for category Grandpa/Grandma

BABY TALK by Russ McKay

Jan 26

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Jibber, Jabber, Jibber
Is how it sounds to you
But just between us babies
It’s “Hey there Bud what’s new?”
You see we have a language
We infants fresh as dew
But we only use it when we see
Other babes who see us too

And we don’t like huge bulging heads
That suddenly appear
Staring down upon us
Too big and way too near
And what’s that you are saying?
Sounds faintly like some words we use
We like your smiles and funny face
But what’s with those “Goo Goo’s”?

It’s easy chatting babies up
We’re a friendly bunch
The only time we’ll stop our talking
Is when it’s time for lunch!
But the real tough thing for us is
Right before we’re two
We must learn a whole new language
Just to talk to you!

THE KID by Russ McKay

Jan 24

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Grandpa Sanders was looking high and low. Into every drawer and into every closet and even into every mirror although his grandson Mark didn’t know what his Grandpa was searching so much for, especially in mirrors.
“Ah Papa…what are you trying to find?”
“Oh….I’m looking for something that I think I lost and can’t seem to locate.”
“Maybe I can help Papa.”
“Naw…I don’t believe so. It’s all up to me and me alone to find it.”
“Well…what is it Papa? Is it a book or a piece of jewelry…or a key…yeah…you are always losing your keys.”
“No…not those things. I lost something that you should never ever lose. Something you need everyday no matter how old you get to be.”
Mark was searching around under chairs and behind cabinets but admitted he actually was just trying to be helpful and had no clue as to what his grandpa had lost.
Then Grandpa Sanders stopped and squatted down and spoke directly at Mark.
“You’ve still got it and I want you to promise me you’ll never lose it no matter what!”
“Ah…well OK Grandpa…but it would help a whole lot to know what it is that I should never lose.”
“The “KID” in you. Even after you grow up and be a man and even when you get to be as old as me…always keep that kid that you are today inside of you.”
“Well…I think I kinda see what you mean Grandpa.”
Then Mark started to think and then a huge smile lit up Mark’s formerly sad face and he took his Papa’s hand.
“C’mon Grandpa…I think I know where you can find it again.”
Mark led Grandpa Sanders outside into the backyard and onto the playground filled with swings and a sliding board.
His Papa started to smile and run, not too fast, but still running, straight for the sliding board, climbed to the top and as he whooshed down the slide yelled out an unmistakable “WHEEEE!” and just about at the middle of the slide, Mark’s Grandpa found his lost “KID”.

May I Speak With You? by Russ McKay

Dec 30

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

“Pssst….ah….excuse me….yeah you…the reader….listen he just left but he’ll be back soon so I have to make this quick!”
“What….who am I?” “Oh yes excuse my manners….I’m one of his recurring characters…he puts me in some of his short stories…and I was even in a poem or two of his. But anyway, lately he’s been a bit disappointed with the response to his web sites. He CAN be a pain occasionally but all in all he’s been pretty good to me as my author. I mean he doesn’t make me look TOO stupid and I do get a few chuckles now and then. I must admit though OCCASIONALLY I DO wish that he were a better writer. I think I’d have more of a following, maybe even a fan club, although with him I gave up on that a LONG time ago.”
“W…A…I…T….!!!….whew…he almost caught me talking to you. Luckily he forgot something and left again. He wouldn’t like me going over his head directly to you the reader….he is definitely the only AUTHOR….in this household.”
“What I’m really asking is that if you could try to act as though he were a bit better at his writing craft then he is….believe me it would make life much easier for me and the rest of those characters of his.”
“Oh….here he comes again….thanks in advance for anything you can…….”
“Ah what Russ…..no I was just ah….thinking out loud!”

Justin Kidagin by Russ McKay

Aug 14

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma | Comments off

As Justin walked out of the Goodwin Mutual Trust Company for the last time a hollow feeling came over his psyche. He was no longer officially the Chief Claims Officer of the thirty second largest Insurance company in the world. He could now be described with a word that he disliked more than any other in his vast vocabulary…RETIREE!
Oh he was happy for the free time, permanent vacation which lay ahead, which he had earned after forty eight years of employment with but a single company. He had started in the mail room alongside Gustavis Goodwin, eighth “Goodwin” to work for his family’s firm.
Justin knew that unless Gustavis or “Gus” as he was known to close friends, wound up in prison, convicted of some atrocious crime, Gus would eventually become President of the company.
It was good to be friends with a Goodwin at Goodwin Mutual Insurance Company and Gus came to relay on the excellent judgement of Justin down through the years.
But today, would be the very last day that Justin would ever see Gus again, at least as an adult, of which, incidently at the time, Justin was totally unaware.
Yes, it was a strange day for anyone under the circumstances but especially for Justin.
After arriving at home Justin went to his dressing room to change into retiree clothes, whatever they were. He’d ordered an array of outfits from Orvis that gave the impression of big game hunter, and a group of clothes from Caballas that hinted of fly fisherman, and finally a selection of duds ordered at Emporio Armani which translated to a look of European weekend sophistication.
Justin tried on all of his “looks” but couldn’t settle on a suitable non-suit for retirement.
Justin’s Mom had saved all of his clothes from his childhood and just because it was a day of reminiscience, Justin pulled out the trunk full of clothing and pictures from those, too long ago to count, happy days of way back when.
He was in the attic looking through the array of kid’s outfits complete with shoes, slightly worn and scuffed, when the room began to swim and the dust became caught up in a swirl, and as the swirling cloud grew larger and larger like a tornado, Justin was pulled into the cyclone and was swept away!
He didn’t know how long he’s been twirling but Justin was still dizzy when he thumped to a landing and tried to stand up or even focus on the vista before him.
After a minute or two and after rubbing his eyes, which never really helps anyhow, he realized that he was back in his old school yard at #55 elementary school.
“Get in here Kidagin, you are ALWAYS the last to come back in from recess. You’ll never amount to anything with that attitude of yours.”
It was Miss Jennings, his sixth grade teacher. Not one of his favorites but definitely one that always pushed him on to better effort.
Justin looked down at himself, his short legs and smallish feet and childlike hands and realized that he had seen those same limbs about the time that he was twelve years old!
He was still staring at himself when Miss Jennings, yelled for the second time…”NOW!”
Justin got up from the ground, and dusted himself off. Then, as he passed his stern teacher he said… “Miss Jennings, I am deeply disappointed in my abominable behavior and I am forthwith dedicating myself to correcting my demeanor to a degree where you will be alleviated from the dismay that I have caused during this recess period.”
As Justin took his seat behind his desk Miss Jennings was still standing at the door, mouth agape!
After a time of readjustment for Miss Jennings she resumed her duties at the head of the class and her lesson but never again looked even near the direction of the desk where Justin sat.
He was slowly beginning to understand what had happened to him and realizing the unbelievable power that he now posessed as a twelve year old WUNDERKIND!
It didn’t take long for the teachers to realize the success to be had by “showing off” Justin by way of Spelling Bees, Debates, Science Fairs, and all sorts of events where Justin blew away all competition.
After a month or so, the teachers were even asking him for advice, especially on matters of investing and insurance.
Letters that were sent home with Justin, were responded to by him as if he were his parents.
Justin was still living in the family home where he grew up and “walked to school” each day.
The beauty of Justin’s situation was that he still had his bank accounts and his pension from the Insurance company. He wouldn’t dare drive a car but ordered mostly everything from Amazon with home delivery.
Justin often went to the attic and tried to see if he could find a way to travel back and forth from retirement to sixth grade but never could get the “swirl” to build up any power.
He thought at first that he might be able to predict events since he had lived through them but somehow the “time twist” as he called it didn’t work that way.
But he had plenty of clout as a twelve year old with the experience of a retiree and that was more than enough to deal with on a daily basis.
He didn’t really want to admit it to himself and of course couldn’t to the rest of the world, but he was actually starting to miss things.
He was doing lots of homework and although it was easy, it took time and he had to do it even if he didn’t want to. Plus, he couldn’t go anywhere as an adult or even by himself except to school without an adult being with him.
He missed driving his car. He missed being tall, he missed adult friends, and frankly he missed so many things that he couldn’t even list them all, though he tried.
He was deciding, and not too slowly, that he actually missed something that he never would have guessed: he missed the idea of retirement. A comfortable one where he could go nearly everywhere and do almost anything he wanted, when he wanted, and with whom he wanted: go to sleep when he wished and sleep as late as he wished and eat adult foods.
But there was a problem. How to “Get Back”.
He spent hours in the attic but nothing that he tried seemed to get the swirl going. Until one Saturday, after he had beeen experimenting all day with “get back” methods, he pulled out the trunk where the children’s clothing and photos had originally been stored. Justin had placed all of his “retirement outfits, the Hunter, The Fisherman, and the European Sophisticate into the trunk and replaced it back into the attic corner.
Upon opening the lid and pulling out the second outfit, there it was…”THE SWIRL” and he madly pulled outfits out of that trunk as fast as he could and the tornado gathered him up along with the clothing and after a wild and hectic ride, dumped him with a thump onto his patio with a glass of adult lemonade in his hand, wearing a safari jacket, waders and fishing boots and a beret! But he had made it all the way back to retirement and total bliss.
Justin Kidagin was never ever a kid again and he was so happy, that from that day forward, he laughed every single day.
The lesson from this tale is that if you ever meet an extremely precocious 12 year old, check out his attic!

Tags:

Grandpa’s Candy Store by Russ McKay

Aug 6

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Billy’s grandfather liked to tell Billy about “The Good Old Days” when life was simple, less expensive and lots more fun.
It was hard for Billy to really understand everything that his “Papa” told him and sometimes Billy wondered if indeed all of Papa’s stories were really how things were.
After all, Billy and his Mom and Dad lived in the same small town where Papa grew up fifty years ago and Billy knew that some of the same buildings were still there because they had dates carved into some of their cornerstones.
Sometimes Papa would show Billy old yellowed black and white pictures of their town and a few of them featured items and places that Billy recognized.
One afternoon near the end of summer vacation Billy was walking down South Street just off Main when he walked by a store front that was always empty with an old “For Rent” sign in the corner of the window. But today the windows were not dingy and dusty but were clean and shiny and in fact the front wooden and glass door was wide open.
Billy looked inside and there was a marble counter with round stools and a large glass case with lots of jars and colorful boxes lined up side by side.
“C’mon in…Billy…isn’t it?”
“Ah….yes….Sir….but…?”
“Billy Jones…ah yes…Edward’s grandson….you’re a fine looking lad!”
Billy was still standing in the doorway, leaning and peering into the store and wondering about the gray haired man with the wire rim glasses that seemed to know exactly who Billy was. The man had on a cream colored apron and was holding a damp rag in his hand.
“Just cleaning up the fountain a bit…could I make you a Lemon Phosphate or an Ammonia Coke. No…you wouldn’t know about those would you….how about a hot fudge Sundae with wet nuts and whipped cream and of course a Maraschino cherry on top?”
“Ah…..” was all that Billy could manage.
“We’ve got a great assortment of penny candy too Billy. Mary Janes and Squirrel Nuts and Kits and wax lips….and well….if you don’t have the money today you can pay me next time you’re in the store. By the way how is your Papa Edward?”
“Ah…he’s fine….ah….Sir…..he……”
“So what’ll it be Billy? Here sit down at the fountain and I’ll whip you up something special…say a banana split!”
“Ah….” Billy was saying “Ah” a lot and figured he’d better find out what was really going on.
“Did you just open up here….Mister…..?”
“Henry Jenkins…. but you can just call me Jenks….everyone does. Heck I opened this place in the early fifties when your Papa was in grade school. Yep been here a long time!”
“But I’ve never….I mean I walk by here lots and I never saw..”
Billy was very bewildered.
Jenks was just squirting the last puff of whipped cream onto the banana split and slid it across the white marble counter toward Billy.
“Here…you’ll need this too!” Jenks handed Billy a long spoon and two paper napkins. As Billy tasted the boat shaped dessert Jenks rattled and snapped a small brown paper bag and leaned into the penny candy case and plucked out about a dozen assorted candies and dropped them into the bag.
It didn’t take Billy long to finish the Banana Split and scoop the last melted ice cream out of the bottom of the stainless steel dish.
“That was good….Jenks!”
“You betcha….best in town!”
Jenks folded the top of the bag together and handed it to Billy. Pay me next time you come by and don’t forget to remember me to your Papa!”
Billy said…”Thank you Jenks…I’ll see you soon.”
“Take care now son!”
As Billy crossed over the threshold of the store he turned to wave so long to his new friend Jenks. But the door was closed and the widows dingy and dirty with a “For Rent” sign in the corner of the window.
“What?” said Billy out loud and a woman who was passing by turned and stared at Billy and then hurried along and glanced back at him as she went.
Billy went to scratch his head when he realized that he still had a small brown paper bag in his hand…full of penny candy!

JUSTIN KIDAGIN RETIRES by Russ McKay

May 31

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma | Comments off

As Justin walked out of the Goodwin Mutual Trust Company for the last time a hollow feeling came over his psyche. He was no longer officially the Chief Claims Officer of the thirty second largest Insurance company in the world. He could now be described with a word that he disliked more than any other in his vast vocabulary…RETIREE!
Oh he was happy for the free time, permanent vacation which lay ahead, which he had earned after forty eight years of employment with but a single company. He had started in the mail room alongside Gustavis Goodwin, eighth “Goodwin” to work for his family’s firm.
Justin knew that unless Gustavis or “Gus” as he was known to close friends, wound up in prison, convicted of some atrocious crime, Gus would eventually become President of the company.
It was good to be friends with a Goodwin at Goodwin Mutual Insurance Company and Gus came to relay on the excellent judgement of Justin down through the years.
But today, would be the very last day that Justin would ever see Gus again, at least as an adult, of which, incidently at the time, Justin was totally unaware.
Yes, it was a strange day for anyone under the circumstances but especially for Justin.
After arriving at home Justin went to his dressing room to change into retiree clothes, whatever they were. He’d ordered an array of outfits from Orvis that gave the impression of big game hunter, and a group of clothes from Caballas that hinted of fly fisherman, and finally a selection of duds ordered at Emporio Armani which translated to a look of European weekend sophistication.
Justin tried on all of his “looks” but couldn’t settle on a suitable non-suit for retirement.
Justin’s Mom had saved all of his clothes from his childhood and just because it was a day of reminiscience, Justin pulled out the trunk full of clothing and pictures from those, too long ago to count, happy days of way back when.
He was in the attic looking through the array of kid’s outfits complete with shoes, slightly worn and scuffed, when the room began to swim and the dust became caught up in a swirl, and as the swirling cloud grew larger and larger like a tornado, Justin was pulled into the cyclone and was swept away!
He didn’t know how long he’s been twirling but Justin was still dizzy when he thumped to a landing and tried to stand up or even focus on the vista before him.
After a minute or two and after rubbing his eyes, which never really helps anyhow, he realized that he was back in his old school yard at #55 elementary school.
“Get in here Kidagin, you are ALWAYS the last to come back in from recess. You’ll never amount to anything with that attitude of yours.”
It was Miss Jennings, his sixth grade teacher. Not one of his favorites but definitely one that always pushed him on to better effort.
Justin looked down at himself, his short legs and smallish feet and childlike hands and realized that he had seen those same limbs about the time that he was twelve years old!
He was still staring at himself when Miss Jennings, yelled for the second time…”NOW!”
Justin got up from the ground, and dusted himself off. Then, as he passed his stern teacher he said… “Miss Jennings, I am deeply disappointed in my abominable behavior and I am forthwith dedicating myself to correcting my demeanor to a degree where you will be alleviated from the dismay that I have caused during this recess period.”
As Justin took his seat behind his desk Miss Jennings was still standing at the door, mouth agape!
After a time of readjustment for Miss Jennings she resumed her duties at the head of the class and her lesson but never again looked even near the direction of the desk where Justin sat.
He was slowly beginning to understand what had happened to him and realizing the unbelievable power that he now posessed as a twelve year old WUNDERKIND!
It didn’t take long for the teachers to realize the success to be had by “showing off” Justin by way of Spelling Bees, Debates, Science Fairs, and all sorts of events where Justin blew away all competition.
After a month or so, the teachers were even asking him for advice, especially on matters of investing and insurance.
Letters that were sent home with Justin, were responded to by him as if he were his parents.
Justin was still living in the family home where he grew up and “walked to school” each day.
The beauty of Justin’s situation was that he still had his bank accounts and his pension from the Insurance company. He wouldn’t dare drive a car but ordered mostly everything from Amazon with home delivery.
Justin often went to the attic and tried to see if he could find a way to travel back and forth from retirement to sixth grade but never could get the “swirl” to build up any power.
He thought at first that he might be able to predict events since he had lived through them but somehow the “time twist” as he called it didn’t work that way.
But he had plenty of clout as a twelve year old with the experience of a retiree and that was more than enough to deal with on a daily basis.
He didn’t really want to admit it to himself and of course couldn’t to the rest of the world, but he was actually starting to miss things.
He was doing lots of homework and although it was easy, it took time and he had to do it even if he didn’t want to. Plus, he couldn’t go anywhere as an adult or even by himself except to school without an adult being with him.
He missed driving his car. He missed being tall, he missed adult friends, and frankly he missed so many things that he couldn’t even list them all, though he tried.
He was deciding, and not too slowly, that he actually missed something that he never would have guessed: he missed the idea of retirement. A comfortable one where he could go nearly everywhere and do almost anything he wanted, when he wanted, and with whom he wanted: go to sleep when he wished and sleep as late as he wished and eat adult foods.
But there was a problem. How to “Get Back”.
He spent hours in the attic but nothing that he tried seemed to get the swirl going. Until one Saturday, after he had beeen experimenting all day with “get back” methods, he pulled out the trunk where the children’s clothing and photos had originally been stored. Justin had placed all of his “retirement outfits, the Hunter, The Fisherman, and the European Sophisticate into the trunk and replaced it back into the attic corner.
Upon opening the lid and pulling out the second outfit, there it was…”THE SWIRL” and he madly pulled outfits out of that trunk as fast as he could and the tornado gathered him up along with the clothing and after a wild and hectic ride, dumped him with a thump onto his patio with a glass of adult lemonade in his hand, wearing a safari jacket, waders and fishing boots and a beret! But he had made it all the way back to retirement and total bliss.
Justin Kidagin was never ever a kid again and he was so happy, that from that day forward, he laughed every single day.
The lesson from this tale is that if you ever meet an extremely precocious 12 year old, check out his or her attic!

Tags:

BABY TALK by Russ McKay

Jan 31

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Jibber, Jabber, Jibber
Is how it sounds to you
But just between us babies
It’s “Hey there Bud what’s new?”
You see we have a language
We infants fresh as dew
But we only use it when we see
Other babes who see us too

And we don’t like huge bulging heads
That suddenly appear
Staring down upon us
Too big and way too near
And what’s that you are saying?
Sounds faintly like some words we use
We like your smiles and funny face
But what’s with those “Goo Goo’s”?

It’s easy chatting babies up
We’re a friendly bunch
The only time we’ll stop our talking
Is when it’s time for lunch!
But the real tough thing for us is
Right before we’re two
We must learn a whole new language
Just to talk to you!

THE LITTLE KID by Russ McKay

Oct 12

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Grandpa Sanders was looking high and low, into every drawer and into every closet and even into every mirror although his grandson Mark didn’t know what his Grandpa was searching so much for, especially in mirrors.
“Ah Papa…what are you trying to find?”
“Oh….I’m looking for something that I think I lost and can’t seem to locate.”
“Maybe I can help Papa.”
“Naw…I don’t believe so. It’s all up to me and me alone to find it.”
“Well…what is it Papa? Is it a book or a piece of jewelry…or a key…yeah…you are always losing your keys.”
“No…not those things. I lost something that you should never ever lose. Something you need everyday no matter how old you get to be.”
Mark was searching around under chairs and behind cabinets but admitted he actually was just trying to be helpful and had no clue as to what his grandpa had lost.
Then Grandpa Sanders stopped and squatted down and spoke directly at Mark.
“You’ve still got it and I want you to promise me you’ll never lose it no matter what!”
“Ah…well OK Grandpa…but it would help a whole lot to know what it is that I should never lose.”
“The “KID” in you. Even after you grow up and be a man and even when you get to be as old as me…always keep that kid that you are today inside of you.”
“Well… I kinda see what you mean Grandpa.”
Then Mark started to think and then a huge smile lit up Mark’s formerly sad face and he took his Papa’s hand.
“C’mon Grandpa…I think I know where you can find it again.”
Mark led Grandpa Sanders outside into the backyard and onto the playground filled with swings and a sliding board.
His Papa started to smile and ran, not too fast, but still running, straight for the sliding board, climbed to the top and as he whooshed down the slide yelled out an unmistakeable “WHEEEE!” and just about at the middle of the slide, Mark’s Grandpa found his lost “KID”.

RUMOR by Russ McKay

May 25

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma | Comments off

There’s a rumor going ’round that I wish to quell
It’s caused me some embarrassment I suppose that you can tell
I’ve heard them with their whispering right behind my back
I want to set the story straight so here’s the baldfaced fact

I did NOT kiss a fish… no I didn’t even try
And when they point and say I did…it’s a total lie
First of all dolphin’s are mammals…and will always be
And I never EVER kissed one…the truth is….she kissed ME!

Tags:

“M” THE MOUSE by Russ McKay

May 7

Posted by russmckay in Grandpa/Grandma, Tweens | Comments off

Actually “M” didn’t really have a name. But in the interest of keeping the story easier to follow and for the sake of alliteration, I named him “M”.
Many…and I mean many many years ago when I was even younger than you are today, my parents had a radio that was as large as a big flat screen TV. At night after supper (dinner…not sure) there used to be radio shows that ranged from mysteries and dramas to comedy and also there were programs consisting of classical music.
My Dad loved classical music and my Mom loved the story programs but we would all sit in the living room and listen to and “Watch” the radio.
Yeah I know… but we did and I still don’t have a very plausable explanation for it but we weren’t the only family that did that.
Well, when the mysteries and comedies were booming out of our large speakers there was never a sign of him. But when the classical music came on, in just a minute or so…he would sneak out from somewhere behind the radio, look around and then settle down and….you guessed it…LOOK at the radio and enjoy the music.
Occasionally “M” would came out briefly when swing music was playing (before Rock and Roll kids) but “M” quickly decided that it wasn’t classical and then he’d disappear back to wherever he’d come from behind the radio.
One time as he was leaving due to swing music being played, I’m certain and so was my Mom; he looked at us and glared as he vacated his listening spot.
This whole series of appearances only lasted a few weeks (neighbors had a cat) but the thing that is the most amazing about this entire story is that it is TRUE.