“What’s the matter Tee Dee?” asked the robin to the dove.
“Oh…I don’t know…I guess I’m just tired of being…a….dove.”
“Really? My I would think that it would be great. You’re so big and well… dominating at the feeder…other birds move out of the way for you.” replied the robin red-breast known locally as Robby.
“Wait….shhhhh….don’t….move….a….feather….”
There was a very long period of total silence and stillness between the two bird friends. Then finally….”Ah…I think he’s gone…all clear buddy.” TD breathed a sigh of relief.
“If there’s one problem with these feeders it’s that they can sometimes attract….HAWKS!” exclaimed Robin with a relieved sigh.
“Yeah…I never did figure out why some birds…well…you know….we shouldn’t be….FOOD….to other birds! Should we?” asked TD.
” I certainly wouldn’t think so!” agreed Robby.
Then a gold finch flew to the limb where TD and Robby were chatting and said, in his high-pitched chirp…’Hey…what’s happenin’ guys?”
“Did you see that enormous red-tailed hawk just then?” asked Robbie.
“Sure….but I’m too quick and smart for him. Any thistle seeds today guys?”
“How should I know…I don’t eat that stuff! It takes a lot more than thistle seeds to keep me goin’.” Declared TD.
“Yeah, gimme some sunflower seeds, dried cherries….you know…the “Supreme Wildbird Seed” that you find ONLY at the better feeding stations.”Yummed TD.
Just then a male Cardinal landed on the feeder perch. “What’s up?”
“Hey Red…how’s it goin’?” Asked Robby.
“Great…just wanna get some of those dried cherries they serve here. Must be the color.” Red said as he pushed some grey seeds off the tray and gulped down some cherries.
The squirrels were chomping up the seeds that fell to the ground under the feeder then looking up at the birds waiting for more.
Then Robby said “Well…see y’all later. I’m going North North East eleven flaps over and get some of that suet they put out at the stone house. Then I might stop by the stream and get a drink….then…..” He was still chirping as he flew off.
“I wish that I was a robin. They fly so fast and have so many friends.” TD was restating his wishes to Red.
“Not me…I wanna be that red-tailed Hawk! That’s power!” said Red looking up into the sky at the hawk circling effortlessly at a height of four hundred fifty feet and using his “Hawkeye” to look for movement way below in the weeds.
But the Hawk was thinking “…Those lucky birds down there. Get to go from one feeder to another and fill up without ever doing any real hunting. Wish I’d have been ANY one of them!”
But then Robby squawked “WORM!” and all the birds flew off the feeder straight down dive bombing the emerging worm who didn’t even look up to see them swooping at him.
Afterward, even though all the bird friends didn’t agree on what other species of bird they’d rather be, they all agreed that they were glad that they weren’t a worm!

I shouldn’t be telling you this stuff. I mean I could really get into a lot of trouble with other mutts in the canine club, but I’ve always liked humans…well most of ’em.
Being a dog, and when I say dog I mean a REAL dog, not one of those so called “purebreds” as they like to be referred to. Life is not really too bad…IF you’ve got the right “owner” (hate that term) Now I personally prefer table scraps but my…ah…family feeds me dry food and an occasional dog bone. I get petted a lot but not NEARLY as often as when I was a puppy, and I get outside almost too much. Hey, I’m not a big fan of cold weather or 100 degree days either!
We dogs understand humans lots better than humans understand us. Of course the intent of this story here is to close the gap between us a bit.
We can smell better than you can, although that sometimes is a major drawback believe me, and we can hear lots better too. By the way; if you know which idiot human invented the dog whistle let me know. Some of my friends would be interested in “meeting” them too!
And also by the way, those electronic fences!!! Another idiot dude by dogdom standards. Not only do we have to learn how the stupid thing works the HARD way…but all those unleashed mean dogs can walk right through and get at us. It isn’t fair…and it HURTS!
Oh I know….I know it sounds like we dogs don’t appreciate our humans but that really isn’t true. We’re not called “Man’s Best Friend” for nothin’.
We LOVE fetching sticks, well most of us do, some dogs are just grumpy. And we don’t mind getting slippers and bringing them to our human, although sometimes it IS tempting to chew and rip ’em around pretending that they are freshly caught game.
But try to understand…we DO have instincts and were once wild animals that had to hunt and stuff before we were “domesticated.”
Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and dogs and humans will get along great.  By the way…support your local SPCA.

“I wish that there was a land where puppies and kittens and boys and girls stayed young and fun for…well, ALWAYS!”
Sarah was an extremely smart little girl who had just celebrated her fourth Birthday and was thinking about all small and young things and how much she enjoyed life as a pre school “Big” little girl.
Adults were “way up there” and most dogs were too big and too scary for little her and even though grown cats were nice to pet and were gentle, she still preferred kittens. One cat was enough but you could never have too many kittens!
“And big kids, especially boys, try to boss you around a lot and parents and all adults always were reminding you who was in charge of EVERYTHING, and you weren’t!”
I did tell you that little Sarah was smart!
Sarah’s family used to have a dog before she was born, but it apparently ran away and all that remained of that era was the old dog house in the far right corner of their back garden.
The worn sign above the front opening read “OSCAR”, (the wire haired terrier’s name) although Sarah couldn’t read all words, she knew what those letters spelled.
Sarah looked inside of the “doggy house” as she called it and it was a mess. Now Sarah was a believer that things that you touch should be clean. But she had to touch all the dirty stuff in the dog house to get it clean. She decided to close her eyes and clean out the old OSCAR home and then wash her hands and maybe arms too…oh and legs too maybe…after she finished making the inside nice and fresh!
That she did, and quickly.
The “stuff” was piled outside the house and since she decided to make the dog house her playhouse she moved all of the debris over to the trash can and put it all in, with the help of a long stick to lift the high lid and then throw all the icky things in, and then close the lid back so no one would know.
Success!
“Sarah…what are you doing Darling?”
It was her Mom…”Just playing Mommy…”
“OK…have fun Dear!”
“Oh I will” thought Sarah…and she sure did!

CHAPTER TWO Adventure

Sarah knocked on the back door and her Mother came to open it and when she saw how dirty Sarah was she said…”Oh my Sarah, we’ve got to clean you up. If you are going to get so dirty you’ll have to wear old jeans and shoes….and…”
Her Mom was still explaining about dirt and playing and clothing and little girls should stay as clean as they can….while Sarah was getting her dirty self cleaned up she was thinking about going right back to the doggy house!
Her Mom said something about “Tom Boy” but Sarah didn’t know any boys named Tom but as soon as Sarah got outside again she went straight to you know where.
Once inside her relatively clean “playhouse” as it now had become, Sarah looked around at the place and noticed a small hole on the right side of the back wall. She tried to look through but it was too tiny an opening. In fact, the hole was so tiny that her little pinky finger barely fit into the space and as she wiggled her pinky, the entire rear of the dog…I mean “playhouse” swung open and there was a wire haired terrier puppy there that began to lick her on the nose!
The tag on the puppy’s collar read “OSCAR”.

“I’ve been wondering when someone would find out about us!” Oscar said in a childlike little voice.
“I’m Sarah!”
“I know!”
“But you were an old dog right?”
“Well, here we are all like you…young and rather small and, most importantly…HAPPY!” Oscar resumed licking Sarah’s face!
“You should tell Mom and Dad that you are here. They miss you Oscar!”
“Oh…I can’t go back. And I really don’t want to either.”
“Is it that wonderful here?”
“Oh my yes. Me and all of my friends will stay little, and friendly and happy and frisky…forever!”
“And if I stay will I remain a little girl for always?”
“Oh sure. But there are problems here just like over there!”
“Problems!” Sarah was a bit surprised by that revelation from Oscar.
“Well, we don’t have any butterflies here, they are all still caterpillars.”
“Oh!” exclaimed Sarah.
“But puppies and kittens and ponies are all GOOD things!”
“Oh yes Sarah, we all love the fun of it all!”
“And some of the bad things are good things too.” explained Oscar.
“Huh?” Sarah didn’t understand that one.
“Yeah, we’ll never be adults and do adult things like drive a car but there are no traffic jams.”
“Dogs don’t drive cars anyhow!”
“Especially not here!” Oscar declared.
“And we never have to go to work!” added Oscar.
“Do you go to school?”
“Well…no but we learn from each other. Many of us were old once and we can still remember important lessons.”
“I guess I understand but I want to be a teenager.” mused Sarah.
“Well…that is your decision. You can go back anytime you wish.”
“But can I visit?” asked Sarah.
“As long as the dog house is still there…yes!”
Oscar took Sarah around to meet some of his friends but there was not a single human around although Oscar said that “Kids come and go often. I guess there are a lot of dog houses in the real world.” Oscar explained.
“Sarah thought for a long time and finally decided that she would rather visit than actually live on the “puppy side” as she called it.
So Sarah went back through the back of the dog house/playhouse and played with her dolls and ate hamburgers and watched butterflies and planned her next visit to Oscar’s.

Little Billy Johnson needed a pair of new shoes. Billy often needed them because his feet would sweat like a waterfall and not just in the summertime, although it WAS worse then. Billy’s Mom always supplied him with a large shaker topped bottle of talcum powder to absorb the wetness and hopefully prevent unpleasant orders emitting from those extremities of Billy’s anatomy.
Since he lived in a small town, Mr. Ned’s Shoe Store and Emporium was within walking distance of Billy’s home. Well, actually EVERYTHING was within walking distance in Corner’s Bluff.
So after a good shower and after slipping on clean white socks Billy talcum powdered the interior of his old pitiful looking shoes. A light dusting just wouldn’t do for these worn out Weejuns since Mr. Ned’s nose was going to be closer than any nose should be to Billy’s “Straight into the trash!” shoes. Billy removed the shaker top and poured a generous amount of neutralizing talc into each shoe. “That outta do it!”…Billy thought, after more than half of the container was poured rather equally into the left then the right shoe.
Billy put on his gray T shirt and his new black jeans and then stepped into his shoes for the last time. As Billy stepped into each of them, a small burst of powder pouffed up the outsides of each shoe and onto the cuff of his jeans leaving a ghostly white tracing that looked like a Strato-cumulus cloud, which Billy was studying about in fifth grade.
“COOL!” thought Billy and he left the house headed for the shoe store.
Billy wore shoes out so often that his parents had an account at Mr. Ned’s and as Billy walked down Main Street onlookers were pointing at him and chuckling to each other. When Billy looked down at his shoes he saw that the bottom of his pants were almost completely white and each step generated another cumulus display spurting from the sides of each shoe.
By the time he arrived at his destination a crowd had formed to watch his volcanic shoe displays and Billy quickly slipped into the sanctity of the shoe store!
“Ah…Hi there…Billy…” Mr. Ned tried his best not to laugh at Billy’s white and black jeans as Billy puffed his way to a seat.
“A new pair of Weejuns?” Mr. Ned was confirming the obvious rather than actually asking a question.
“Yes Sir…Cordovan!”
Mr. Ned removed the right shoe first and a puff of talc rose into the air, the proprietor turning his head away from the white storm.
Then as Mr. Ned held the shoe as far from his nose as his arm would reach, using only the very tips of his fingers, a cascade of worn talc poured out and formed a pointed pile on the carpeted floor.
The Emporium owner repeated the same procedure with the left shoe. Looking at the two equal piles of talc that had formed on the floor in front of Billy Mr. Ned said…”I’ll get to those later.” Then holding both shoes as delicately as possible Mr. Ned carried them to the wastebasket and dropped them straight down and in!
After fitting Billy with a brand new pair of Cordovan Weejuns Mr. Ned said “OK Billy…I think that does it!”
“Thanks Sir …and could you add one more thing to the bill?”
“What’s that Billy?”
“A new bottle of talc…we’re out!”

Sparky was having a nice day until Santa arrived. Santa said “It’s new year’s eve… only 51 more weeks until Christmas.”
Sparky responded, “That’s plenty of time to get ready for Christmas 2025 isn’t it Santa?”
“Not if we’re going to make toys that take 52 weeks to build!”
Well, Santa was right about that but what efficient Elf would EVER take that long to do anything?
“Snoddington the elder elf would take even longer!” Santa responded!
Sparky knew that was true but Snoddington wasn’t due to retire until 2026.
Then Sparky had an idea. He whipped out his smartphone 3000 and called his new best friend that was the very best toy wrapper EVER!.
Yep…you guessed it Easter Bunny!
The Bunster showed up the very next morning with 5 million yards of Saranwrap and 50 million feet of red and green ribbon and 4 frozen jelly beans.
So no matter what you are doing this year or where you are doing it Santa, Sparky and the Easter Bunny will be wrapping presents for December 24, 2025 except for Easter morning when EB has the day off.
The National TV network is scheduling a game show this year at the North Pole to see who can wrap presents of various and sundry sizes and  weights and be declared “Wrapper of The World!”
Be sure to tune in!

The very last chimney in the very last house that Santa visited on Christmas Eve proved to be just a wee bit too narrow for Santa and his belly full of cookies and milk.
If it weren’t for Blitzen’s quick thinking, using the emergency can of WD40 that was in the sleigh’s tool kit…well Santa might have been stuck in there until New Years!
With the maximum effort by 5 of the “worn out from flying” reindeer, they were able after 12 long minutes to eventually ease Santa up and out onto the roof of 8954B6 Changyang Palace Road and back into the sleigh.
Santa’s suit was ripped and smudged and Mrs. Claus would have to sew a brand new suit before next Christmas for sure!
Mrs. Claus knew it the moment Santa returned to the North Pole as she waited for him with a sugar-free hot chocolate…Santa ABSOLUTELY HAD TO go immediately on a diet!
Well…from January through November Santa didn’t eat a single snow cone, his favorite flavor being “Starlight” and he switched to Diet Cokes and ate lots of iceberg lettuce (without dressing…ah…salad dressing that is) and Mrs. Claus made him loads of snow peas but he couldn’t have even a taste of his favorite sandwich ingredients…cold cuts and North Polish Sausage!
Santa got just a tad grumpy but he did get less and less fat until he finally got onto the scale in November and he had lost so much weight that it didn’t even register on his “Special” Santa scale which was specially set to not count the first 150 pounds.
(It was a Christmas present from Rudolph.)
Santa went on his annual trip to the Thanksgiving Day Parade and not one single person recognized him and even after he showed his pilot’s license they wouldn’t let him ride in the parade. “Santa didn’t show up this year,” they all said, which of course made Santa doubly sad.
What to do?
With only 30 days to go Santa knew that he had to eat 26 meals a day in order to regain his Santa weight in time for his flight.
He hadn’t eaten 26 meals a day since he was young but if it was going to make him his jolly old self again…it was worth it.
The elves took on extra kitchen duties helping to bake the cookies and cakes and pies and making the ice cream and hot fudge and the whipped cream toppings….and well….just about everything that you aren’t supposed to eat…UNLESS you want to get fat!
Finally on the 24th of December Santa got back on his special scale and BROKE it!
What a smile Santa smiled! His belt was in the very last hole and his buttons were straining to stay closed…Santa was indeed back to his Jolly old self!
And Mrs. Claus heard him exclaim as he rode out of sight “On Dasher On Dancer…on Donner and Blitzen…let’s go get some cookies and milk!”

It was November the eleventh as I recall…or maybe it was the tenth, anyhow it was a Monday and I got a call from Santa. He was on vacation at his island house in the warm Pacific.
Oh…sorry I forgot to tell you…I’m The Easter Bunny, Eastern Cottontail specifically, but since the kids…I love kids....call me the Easter Bunny…well…I love it.
Anyhow, Santa called me. I thought it was some prankster at first…like Sammy the Squirrel, or Squeeky The Mouse, but after asking some questions I accepted that my caller was the genuine, authentic REAL Santa.
He said that he was calling a meeting of all the icons of kiddom (are there two D’s in Kiddom?) which of course included me. He wouldn’t tell me which of us he had called first,(just like Santa) and he said that he would send the sled around for me at 12:03 the next morning.
I’m not nocturnal like the Tooth Fairy, or even Santa but I agreed. So I set my alarm clock in the hutch and was showered and ready to go before Midnight.
Well, true to his word at precisely 12:03 there was a clattering of hooves and a crunch- never did find out what went “crunch”- and I popped out of the hutch and climbed aboard the sleigh.
Well…Molar The Tooth Fairy was aboard and we renewed old acquaintances.
I had run into her once at work(yes it’s a she)when Tommy Tucker couldn’t eat his supper after he bit into a roll and lost number 6 tooth (which coinciDENTly is the First Molar) on Easter Eve.
But I digress!
We exchanged stories on the ride down to Santa’s Island vacation house. Actually the Tooth Fairy is very nice even though her dress was a bit strange with all flowing ribbons and lacey trims…but actually when you think about it, the only one of us that kids actually ever see is Santa, so it doesn’t really matter what we look like or wear does it?

We arrived on the sandy beach in-between the palm trees with a perfect thirty-eight point landing. Santa was there all smiles with a cool pink frosty mug of punch in each hand and was wearing a brightly colored sport shirt and Bermuda shorts….neither of them red by the way.
Mrs. Claus was waving to us from the doorway, and we got off the sleigh, took a sip and went inside.
Santa invited us to sit at the big round table where Mrs. Claus had prepared a tropical fruit salad with extra lettuce for me.
“I thought we should have this meeting to discuss how we all might use our abilities to help kids and all folks to be even happier.” Santa said.
“I agree!” I agreed.
“We only get to “Do our Thing” once a year Santa, and Ms. Fairy only visits kids after they’ve lost a tooth.” I added…Santa nodding his beardy head in agreement.
“My point exactly Mr. Bunny!” Santa remarked.
Then Santa added “I’ll tell you a secret that only Mrs. Claus knows. Well…the Elves know too of course, can’t keep any secrets with them around.”
Ms. Fairy and I were all ears awaiting Santa’s confession. Some say I’m all ears ALL the time…but I digress again.
“During the year, when I’m not at the Pole or here on vacation, I put on my grey pinstriped suit and white shirt and navy tie and my black wingtip shoes and go down into the populated cities and towns of the real world and just kinda blend in. Act like a regular citizen don’t cha know.”
“Wow…that sounds like fun!” exclaimed Ms. Fairy.
“Yeah Santa…what a hoot!” I added.
“Anyhow…” Santa continued…”I’ll drop off a secret, very needed donation or put some money on the ground so a poor person can find it…or I’ll secretly fix something broken in the hope of making someone’s life easier and better.”
“What a nice thing to do!” Ms. Fairy and I both replied.
“Well…” Santa continued..”I think…”
But I politely stopped him and said..”I know…why don’t we all do that. Slip into the general citizenry and secretly help out and no one will ever know it was us. Then maybe it will catch on and lots and lots of folks will do good things without wanting to be thanked or rewarded.”
“You’ve got it Mr. Bunny!”
We all voted unanimously that day to start helping wherever and whenever we could without anyone knowing that it was us.
But what I haven’t told you is that the meeting that Santa called was many many years ago and you know…I think our plan is beginning to work better and better every year and…by the way…thank YOU for helping too.

Every day without fail little Becky would walk home at the end of her day in first grade at Dillon Elementary School past Bateman’s Hardware Store on Main Street and stop and look into the front window.
Oh, there were drills and table saws, levels and even red and green Christmas lights in the window but there was also, tucked into the far left corner, the most wonderful, beautiful doll in all of South Carolina standing up all alone.
It was already cold. It DOES get could in the Carolinas in December and Becky would cup her hands, lean against the thick glass, peer into the deep window, and stare at “her” Dolly until the fog from her breathing clouded the view. Then she’d back away, wipe off the window with her bare hand and peer again.
She had “visited” the Doll, named by Becky as “BESS” every day of the week. By Thursday even the shop owner Mr. Bateman noticed Becky’s punctual visits and came outside to say…” Yes! She really is beautiful isn’t she?”…and stood by also admiring the Pink and white frilly-dressed doll with the bluest eyes and curliest blond hair.
“She’s a beauty alright!” He would say to Becky.
Becky just nodded and quietly and softly said…”She’s the prettiest doll in the whole world!”
It was Friday. The last weekday before Christmas and after the final school day before the holidays, Becky again stopped by Batemans to visit “her” Doll.
Yes, the drills and saws and green and red lights were still there but “BESS”….WAS GONE!!!
Becky was stunned! She almost cried but then collected her emotions and thought to herself…”I….guess some lucky girl will have a most wonderful Christmas and I hope…that…Bess…is very happy in her new home.”
But as she thought those thoughts, a very small tear edged down her cheek as she slowly walked the rest of the way home.
Christmas morning didn’t quite have the same urgency for little Becky that year.
She had hung her stocking and left the cookies and milk for Santa and even given her last allowance to the Salvation Army but couldn’t completely put “Bess” out of her mind.
Becky’s Mom and Dad even had to wake her up that Christmas and invite her downstairs to see what Santa had left.
Becky wiped the sleep out of her eyes and quietly followed her joyful parents down the stairs.
Then as she focused on the beautiful Christmas tree, there, propped up on a small pillow and majestically placed in the very center was… BESS!

“The very last house too!” Santa had just extracted himself from the chimney on Christmas Eve when the motion detector set off the burglar alarm.
So there he was, munching his 267th cookie and 97th ounce of milk that night, when the entire Carter family, Mom and Dad and Jimmy and Sarah and of course, included were “Bark” the cat and “Meow” the cocker spaniel.
“Ah…Ho Ho Ho and all that!” said a very tired Santa who heard disgruntled and impatient hooves up on the roof.
When the Sheriff and his two deputies arrived, there were many apologies and wishes of Merry Christmas floating through the air.
“Wait…I’ve got something for all of you in the sleigh.” said Santa as he grunted his way back up the chimney.
A minute later he clumped to the hearth carrying an armful of Coca Colas and passed them around.
“The Coke CEO is a friend of mine! Train set when he was six.”
Then Santa gave out Best Buy gift cards to all. “Walkman, when that Chairman of the Board was seven.”
As Santa struggled up the last chimney for the last time this year, two deputies in the hearth, carefully pushing to assist, Sheriff Boyd called out “Happy Vacation Santa”.
“Thanks Calvin!” Santa’s voice echoed down the chimney.
“No one has called me Calvin since I was a boy!”

And that is another reason why Santa is SO COOL!

A gift at Christmas brings joy all around
After both getting and giving
There’s one thing I’ve found
It needn’t be perfect
It needn’t be grand
Nor be expensive
Or be the best in the land
The truest of presents is the thought that’s behind
A gift from an unselfish heart that is kind
The REAL present is when you begin to perceive
It really IS better to give than receive