Sparky was having a nice day until Santa arrived. Santa said “It’s new year’s eve… only 51 more weeks until Christmas.”
Sparky responded, “That’s plenty of time to get ready for Christmas 2022 isn’t it Santa?”
“Not if we’re going to make toys that take 52 weeks to build!”
Well Santa was right about that but what efficient Elf would EVER take that long to do anything?
“Snoddington the elder elf would take even longer!” Santa responded!
Sparky knew that was true but Snoddington wasn’t due to retire until 2020.
Then Sparky had an idea. He whipped out his smart phone 3000 and called his new best friend that was the very best toy wrapper EVER!.
Yep…you guessed it Easter Bunny!
The Bunster showed up the very next morning with 5 million yards of Saranwrap and 50 million feet of red and green ribbon and 4 frozen jelly beans.
So no matter what you are doing this year or where you are doing it Santa, Sparky and the Easter Bunny will be wrapping presents for December 24, 2018 except for Easter morning when EB has the day off.
The National TV network is scheduling a game show this year at the North Pole to see who can wrap presents of various and sundry sizes and  weights and be declared “Wrapper of The World!”
Be sure to tune in!

Dear Boys and Girls and Moms and Dads too
This is the first time I’m writing to you
The world has grown bigger and Santa has too
So I have a favor to ask all of you

‘Though I LOVE your gifts of cookies, milk and all that
Please try to leave fewer ’cause I’m getting too fat
Oh I’ve always been heavy Mrs. Claus tells me so
But there is a limit for my belly to grow

Chimneys are narrow ‘though I WISH they were wide
I’m finding it harder to get down inside
I COULD climb through a window or come in through the door
But if I do…there goes the folklore

It’s a modern world and I am traditional
So I cannot change and one thing additional
As I finish this letter I’ll make one more plea
Despite what you’re told…keep believing in me

SANTA

I’m not sure that I should be telling you this story but…well here goes! Santa likes to have a little fun now and again and one year, right around Thanksgiving Santa went down into the SouthWorld, (that’s what he calls everything south of the north pole, which of course EVERYTHING is.)
Anyhow, he saw that a “Santa Look-alike” contest was being held at a shopping mall in Minnesota.
He chuckled as he saw the men lining up to enter. While some looked amazingly like him many looked more like Ernest Hemingway, at least according to Santa.
Well, he had to “Ho Ho Ho” and sit kids on his lap and stand with Left then Right then Back profiles and finally after all the dozens of contestants were evaluated by the audience and judges, he was asked to come up onto the stage with two other Santa Wannabes.
After a long and loud drum roll the winner was announced and Santa came in third!

If you recall the story “Young Santa” you know how Santa first met his amazing Reindeer but I don’t think that I ever told you how they got their individual names.

It became a distinct necessity when Santa first hitched them all up to the sleigh and then tried to direct them. “You there second from front left…pull a bit right!”

Well…as you might imagine, it caused some confusion and delay since the reindeer were all counting rows and lefts and rights to figure out which one of them Santa was actually directing. This could never be when flying and especially landing on tight and may I add slippery rooftops at night.

So Santa decided that each reindeer needed an individual name. He lined them all up in the barn and interviewed each reindeer to determine their individual personalities in order to give them an appropriate name.

First was the most muscular and actually slightly largest reindeer that Santa wanted on the first row right. Since Santa was right handed he preferred to make right turns whenever possible.
“Let’s see. What do you like to do in your spare time?”…he asked the first reindeer.

“Well…I like to run fast whenever I can…if I were a human I’d be a sprinter.”
“Well…then I’ll call you sprinter!” decided Santa.
“Ah…Santa…that sounds like “splinter”…I HATE splinters.”
“All right…let’s see…how about DASHER?”

“LOVE IT!”
“Dasher it is. Next!”
Well, the next reindeer clicked his heels…ah hooves….since he was so glad that it was his turn.

He could hardly stand still waiting for Santa to suggest his name.
Then Santa said…”My…my….you’ll have to stand still and stop dancing around so that I can decide what name is best for you.”
“That’s IT! Thank you Santa I love it!”
“Ah… Love What?” inquired Santa.
“Dancer…I’m DANCER!”

“OK….then …I…guess….who’s next?”
“Oh…Gee….I wanted to be Dancer….I love dancing and prancing around…I do it all the time…almost.”
“Great….then you will be PRANCER! How’s that?”
“Perfect! Thanks, Santa.”

“OK….you there…”
Then a shy somewhat smaller and a bit prettier reindeer stepped to the front and in a gentle voice asked “ME?”
“I have the right name for you since you are female how about…VIXEN?”
“Hmmm…a female fox is named that…and they are very cute…OK thank you, Santa.”

“OK….and…”
Suddenly a reindeer instantly appeared right in front of Santa in a flash.
“Wow…you are quick as a flash…you should be named….something quick and flashy…COMET! How’s that?”
“Yes…yes…yes…COMET…that’s me!”

“Hey this is going pretty well,” said Santa complimenting himself.
Then Santa realized that he shouldn’t have been so quick to brag, which as we all know is not a good thing to do anyway, because he had a very difficult time with the very next Reindeer.
He didn’t have any hobbies and none of his personal skills suggested a name. Santa even asked for suggestions from the named and as yet un-named reindeer and nothing seemed to fit.

Santa thought and thought…”Ah…when were you born?”
“Ah…two winters ago.”
“No, I mean what date!”
“On February 14th Santa.”
“That’s it…you will be…CUPID!”
“Cupid…yeah…I like it!”

“Next! You will be in the last row on the left…right in front of me. But I think that I am running out of names. By the way…who else is left.”
“I am Sir…me and one other… OH….and that strange nosed reindeer out there under the tree.”

“Well…I’ve only got to name you two today…any ideas?”
“The next to last reindeer said …”When I was a baby…I would run so fast even Mom couldn’t catch me and she said that I “Ran like Lightning!”

“PERFECT” exclaimed Santa…you are Blitzen…that’s a Germanic word for Lightning.
Then Santa turned to the very last reindeer…”So little fellow I guess that makes you Donner the Germanic word for Thunder. But Mrs. Claus HATES thunder so we’ll make you DONDER and she won’t even know that we have a little secret about “Thunder and lightning” so you will be to the left of Blitzen in the last row right in front of me.”

Then Santa stood up tall and said…”ATTENTION REINDEER….TO YOUR POSITIONS ON THE DOUBLE!”
And after some jostling about… there was Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen all in their proper position and enjoying every moment.

Then Santa turned and whistled loudly toward the open field to the reindeer under the tree.
“RUDOLPH…come over here and join us at the front…and light up that headlight nose of yours!

Rudolph galloped over realizing not only was he NOT left out but actually would be the leader of all the reindeer in the very front of Santa’s sleigh!

But Rudolph did wonder where Santa came up with that name!

Hi…you don’t know me because, well…that’s the way we elves like to keep it. I want to tell you a secret that Santa keeps with the utmost care…his actual Birthday.
When we asked Santa what day his Birthday was, he always told us that it was on November 36th. Well come to find out, through eons of elf research, Santa wasn’t fibbing to us. His REAL birthday is on December 6th (he won’t say what year but trust me, it was a VERY LONG time ago.)and if you count from November30th to December 6th you’ll see that he’s right.
Well this year we are throwing him a huge surprise party on November 36th and all the current and retired Elves and Ms. Claus and the Caribou (you know them as Reindeer) and a few old friends of Santa’s from when he was a young civilian are coming.
Thinking of the right gift is always difficult you know. Santa never says that he wants anything. Mrs. Claus always knits him something in his favorite color…heliotrope.
We Elves made him an electric muffler last year but it caught his beard on fire. His normally white beard did match his red suit briefly before we managed to find unfrozen water to throw on Santa to extinguish the fire but then Santa had a burnt up beard with icicles hanging down from all over it and his nose. He got a bit quiet when we all laughed out loud including Mrs. Claus and even the Caribou.
But this year we are building Santa a helium gift bag to lighten his load of toys (for GOOD little girls and boys)
We could get more done if some of the elves would stop gulping the helium and then speaking in very low bass voices causing everyone to go into hysterics!
We Elves were thinking of inviting a representative from the Good kids out there to Santa’s Birthday Party this year.
If you were chosen to attend, what gift do you think Santa would like?

Those are all good ideas and if you are selected to attend the party we’ll notify you by November 34th (that’s a Tuesday) ut no matter what, Santa will be at your place December 24th after you are asleep.
Maybe this year if you leave Santa anything that night you might want to add at the bottom of the card that says “For Santa”…”HAPPY BIRTHDAY”

Mrs. Claus was very concerned that Santa, the “Jolly Old Elf” as he is sometimes referred to, needed a bit of assistance as he became more “Old” than “Elf” but still “Jolly”.
Mrs.Claus, (her first name is “Eve” as we mentioned in a previous story) suggested that Santa hire an intern to assist with his annual duties.
Santa at first considered the idea “preposterous” but Eve saw how slowly that he climbed into and out of the sleigh and other small clues that made clear to her that Santa could use a non-Elf hand or two.
But who would be available to help Santa in the cold cold North Pole?
Perhaps a young person from Siberia or Finland or Alaska. She even considered a robot until she remembered that the elves had to keep all robot presents warm until delivery.
Plus the fact that as Santa’s assistant, the work would be a concentrated part time job which made her think of a college student that always had off of classes for the Christmas holidays.
Then there was the problem of advertising the job. There might be thousands of applicants and who would interview them and neither Eve nor Santa would want to disappoint a single one.
What to do?
Maybe the answer wasn’t hiring an intern after all but just to lighten the Christmas Eve load of gifts that Santa had to deliver.
By the way, all of this happened 20 or so years ago and we just heard about it during one of our fireside chats with the Claus’.
You all know by now what Mrs. Claus did to help Santa and he is still managing to handle his Christmas Eve duties by himself.

VWhat? Oh yes…I didn’t actually remind you of the solution to Santa’s problem…why UPS, FedEX and all of the postal services around the world.
Have a Merry Christmas and don’t forget to check your front steps and mailboxes kids.

All of my socks are but a size two
They wouldn’t hold much so I knew what to do
I borrowed my Grandpa’s…his feet are really big
And I hope that Dear Santa doesn’t think I’m a Pig!

I hung Grandpa’s stocking by the chimney with care
If I’d hung up size two…well it wouldn’t be fair
Most kids I know hang socks that are HUGE
I hope no one thinks that I’m being a Scrooge

But I have something that I want to report
And I’ll try to make this long story short
When I woke up early last Christmas morn
Left instead of MY sock was one that was worn

It was all red and fuzzy with a tear in the toe
It looked like it had been left out in the snow
And there was a note on the table nearby
It was written by Santa and it started out “HI…

“…I hope you don’t mind and your Grandfather too
But I tore my stocking when I slipped on your roof
So I borrowed your sock to aid me tonight
To help keep my toes warm and solve my small plight”

Well I thought Santa’s sock was the best gift EVER
And I told lots of folks but…believe me?…NEVER!
But I know it’s true and it’s just like I said
It’s Santa’s real stocking and it’s really quite red!

But the neatest of all I’ve yet to tell
About three days later I heard the doorbell
It was UPS and a guy dressed in brown
“I’ve a package from the North Pole’s Lost and Found

Sign here if you want it”…and so I did
Then guess what was there when I opened the lid?
YEP! Grandpa’s stocking…as good as new
And a note from Santa that just read “Thank You!”

“The very last house too!” Santa had just extracted himself from the chimney on Christmas Eve when the motion detector set off the burglar alarm.
So there he was, munching his 267th cookie and 97th ounce of milk that night, when the entire Carter family, Mom and Dad and Jimmy and Sarah and of course, included were “Bark” the cat and “Meow” the cocker spaniel.
“Ah…Ho Ho Ho and all that!” said a very tired Santa who heard disgruntled and impatient hooves up on the roof.
When the Sheriff and his two deputies arrived, there were many apologies and wishes of Merry Christmas floating through the air.
“Wait…I’ve got something for all of you in the sleigh.” said Santa as he grunted his way back up the chimney.
A minute later he clumped to the hearth carrying an armful of Coca Colas and passed them around.
“The Coke CEO is a friend of mine! Train set when he was six.”
Then Santa gave out Best Buy gift cards to all. “Walkman, when that Chairman of the Board was seven.”
As Santa struggled up the last chimney for the last time this year, two deputies in the hearth, carefully pushing to assist, Sheriff Boyd called out “Happy Vacation Santa”.
“Thanks Calvin!” Santa’s voice echoed down the chimney.
“No one has called me Calvin since I was a boy!”

And that is another reason why Santa is SO COOL!

Smack dab in the middle of a great green forest
Far beyond where anyone could see
Grew the tiniest smallest but surely the prettiest
Perfectly shaped evergreen tree

The big trees around him just blocked out the sun
And he could scarcely see stars when each day was done
He wanted to grow big and full like the others
He’d be eight feet tall had he had his druthers

A growing tree needs rain, air and sun
But this poor evergreen almost got none
His secret wish was one day to be
A brightly trimmed star-topped Christmas tree

But alak and alas
As the Christmas’ passed
Not one mortal soul came near him to see
What a spectacularly fine
Christmas tree he would be

It was now his third winter and with snow on his boughs
He was starting to hear some loud whooping yowls
As he glanced around, an astonishing sight
Two kids and two parents appeared in the night

“There it is! I told you…
I saw it before!”
“We just couldn’t find it
But we’ll be searching no more!”

The tree tried his best
Not to look at the axe
But if you want them to take you
You have to face facts

When the chopping was over and had NOT hurt a bit
The tree happily found that he perfectly fit…
In the bed of their pickup, an F150
On the ride home he thought “Man…this is nifty!”

What a wonderful Christmas it came to be
For the lucky family and of course, for the tree
So the littlest tree in the forest had his dreams come true
And if you’re good and patient your dreams will too!

Dear Boys and Girls and Moms and Dads too
This is the first time I’m writing to you
The world has grown bigger and Santa has too
So I have a favor to ask all of you

‘Though I LOVE your gifts of cookies, milk and all that
Please try to leave fewer ’cause I’m getting too fat
Oh I’ve always been heavy Mrs. Claus tells me so
But there is a limit for my belly to grow

Chimneys are narrow ‘though I WISH they were wide
I’m finding it harder to get down inside
I COULD climb through a window or come in through the door
But if I do…there goes the folklore

It’s a modern world and I am traditional
So I cannot change and one thing additional
As I finish this letter I’ll make one more plea
Despite what you’re told…keep believing in me

SANTA