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SAM THE KINGSNAKE by Russ McKay

The birthday celebration was over and Sam the Kingsnake was writing Thank You cards to all of his friends that had brought presents to his party.

He thanked Carl the Centipede for the pair of new red leather shoes even though Sam had no feet, which even a casual observer should have noticed.

Of course Carl had a hundred feet and so, he naturally fancied himself a shoe “expert”.

Then Sam wrote to Roger Raccoon to thank him for the bright red comb even though, once again, it should have been noted by all that Sam had no hair. But being as furry as Roger was, the oversight was understandable.

Sam also was left wondering what he was going to do with all the leftover raw eggs and fresh mice parts that no one seemed interested in even tasting.

Sam decided to donate the shoes and comb to charity and consume the leftovers a bit at a time until they were gone.

One present he did get excited about was the baby rattle that Blackie the crow brought. Sam was a Kingsnake and not only did he NOT posess a rattle…he wasn’t even venomous. But he had secretly admired that rattling sound that the Diamondbacks made when they needed to scare something or someone.

But perhaps the most appropriate and thoughful of all of his presents was the jar of skin creme that Tommy Turtle gave him. It was time for Sam to shed his old skin and Tom’s gift would aid in making the shedding immeasurably more comfortable.

Yes…all in all, Sam had wonderful friends of the forest, but occasionally he did get quite lonely.

He was very tired after a long afternoon of partying and as Sam was beginning to nod off on a much needed nap, he began to pleasantly wonder if there existed a snake species known as a Queen Snake.

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SMARTY PANTS by Russ McKay

“Get the belt…I’m fallin’ down!” said the pair of trousers known as “Smarty Pants”
“Ok…OK…hold your shirt on…I’m gettin’ it!” Billy Smith was getting dressed to go out and play on a Saturday morning and he was trying to reach the hook holding his brown belt while holding up his pants, but had to let go to reach that far.
“Whoa! I told ya…umph!!!” Smarty was now crumpled around little Billy’s ankles and as Billy tried to take a step over to fetch his belt he fell flat on his face!
“See…if you would just do what I told you, this never would have happened!” scolded Smarty.
So Billy Smith, sitting on his bedroom floor threaded his new brown belt through the belt loops and pulled the trousers up as he stood…”There!”
“Too tight….ugh….that’s way too tight….you’re strangling me….use the next hole for that buckle!” Smarty was now struggling to even speak…being “choked” by the new belt.
“Ah…how about being quiet for once or….or…I’ll tighten it up even farther!” Little Billy was beginning to lose his temper a bit.
But, being the very kind boy that he was, Billy loosened the belt and Smarty breathed a sigh of relief but was still “panting” from the lack of oxygen.
Then as Billy opened up his shirt drawer the brown buttondown yelled…”HEY…pick me Billy buddy!”
Then the blue knit shirt screamed…”No…me….you picked brownie b.d. just last Tuesday…it’s my turn.”
Billy said…”OK…you are both so selfish I’m not gonna pick either one of you!”… and he chose a plain quiet white T shirt from the bottom of the pile.
Then Billy heard a commotion coming from the bottom drawer and when he opened it, all the socks were jumping around pointing their toes at him and waving their tops wildly…”Me…..no ME…..hey ….me!!!…”
Billy shut the drawer….took off his shirt, pulled off his belt and removed his pants and went back to bed!

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FILBERT THE SILLY SQUIRREL by Russ McKay

Filbert was drawing his usual crowd of interested animals near the bottom of his home tree.
“Do that back flip again Fil!” Reggie the Robin said.
“Sure!” responded Filbert and performed the highest back flip he’d ever done. His bushy tail didn’t even touch the ground his flip was so high.
“Wow!” That one was the best one ever!” exclaimed the red bellied woodpecker.
Then Filbert told a few jokes about humans and all the animal audience laughed. Just as “Fil” was ready to deliver his last punch line, a tall man walked over from the flagstone path and said…”Filbert Squirrel….may I speak to you Sir?”
All the birds and chipmunks scurried away to safer areas of the garden but Filbert was sort of blocked from his tree by the intruding well dressed stranger.
“Ah…what….do you want?”asked Filbert , the tremble in his voice giving away his instinctive fear of humans.
“Oh I’m not here to hurt you….in fact…well …I’m here to make you famous!”
Then the man reached into his jacket and Filbert quickly and fearfully looked around for a path of escape to safety.
“Here….it’s a contract. We want you to star in a full length feature movie and….there’ll be guest appearances on TV shows and a tour around the country to promote the movie and….”
“WAIT! Are you serious or is this one of the Mr. Johnson the squirrel hater’s mean tricks?”
“No…Mr. Filbert I assure you this is a bona fide offer of….well…stardom!”
“I….don’t know about this. I would be entertaining who?”
“Ah…humans of course…they’re the only ones with money Mr. Filbert. You would be joining a full lineup of star animals….ducks, mice, dogs, birds, even elephants….well….I could go on. But you see we don’t have a squirrel in our pool of stars and you would be PERFECT! What do you say?” The man reached down and handed the contract to Filbert.
Filbert couldn’t read of course but the paper did look very important with gold seals and signatures and then he saw it, at the very top…that unmistakable logo….”DISNEY”.
“Just put your front right paw onto this ink pad and then onto this spot on the contract Mr. Filbert Sir.”
And just as Fil touched his paw to the black pad something very sad happened………..

……….he woke up!

 

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THE MAGIC DIARY by Russ McKay

Since Samantha got her red leather bound diary with the heart shaped lock for Christmas she had been entering each day’s activities and thoughts into it.
She had to admit after re-reading many of her entries in the last month that her life was…well…pretty dull.
“If this was anyone else’s diary I would actually feel sorry for the girl. But it is what it is and I must be completely truthful to myself and my diary.”
Then one night in February as “Sam” was lying in her bed and entering another “average” day’s activities into her diary she added…”And I wish that my boring green bedroom was a pretty soft pink.”
As she closed her book and inserted the key into the lock a flash of soft pink light glowed all over her room. And as she looked around she was amazed that her old boring room had turned into a beautiful pink with frilly lace curtains at the window.
Well naturally Sam was startled and she rubbed her eyes and looked again but her new beautiful bedroom was still her favorite shade of pink!
She got out of bed and went over to the window and touched the lace curtains and the perfectly pink wall and admired them both.
“How? What? and Why? were the first thoughts that entered her mind. Then she saw the diary.
“That must be it! When I entered my wish…Oh MY!”
Sam gently pinched herself to make sure that she was awake. “Ouch…yeah I’m awake all right!”
Then she put her key into the lock of the diary and opened it back up to today’s page. To Sam’s surprise there was no line written wishing for the pink bedroom…it had completely disappeared!
She sat in her bed wondering what had just happened and as she looked back up at her window the old curtains were there and her room was back to its original pale green.
Sam thought and then decided to try and enter her “pink” wish into her diary again and once again as she locked the book her room turned into a lovely pink.
So Sam laid back on her bed with her head on the pretty pink pillow and soon went to sleep.
When Sam awoke the next morning her room was back to “Green Normal” and she just shook her head in wonder. She decided not to tell anyone about her magic diary but each night thereafter for many months she wrote her pink wish into her diary and slept in a lovely pink bedroom.
The “Magic” stopped on September 23rd…Sam’s birthday. The very day her parents had her bedroom redecorated in soft pink with pretty lace curtains at the window.

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THE SECRET INGREDIENT by Russ McKay

Little Sara had always loved her grandmother’s chocolate chip and walnut cookies that annually appeared around Christmas. Sara considered herself at eight years old, a cookie connoisseur: cookies being Sara’s favorite food in all the world.
Sara had tasted all kinds of chocolate chip cookies but Grandma’s were far and away the very best of all…by a mile!
Then one Christmas time, Sara asked her grandma…”How come your cookies are so much better than anyone else’s on the planet?”
Her grandma smiled and whispered in Sara’s ear…”There is a secret ingredient!”
“Oh….my….” said Sara.
Then Sara’s grandma said…”Tell you what! This year why don’t you help me make my cookies….just you and me?”
“Oh Gran…that would be wonderful. Then I can learn your secret!”
Well, they got out the butter and flour and chocolate chips and walnuts and the sugar and lined up the ingredients on the kitchen table.
Then when grandma put the mixer on the table with a large bowl she asked Sara…”Ready to begin?”
Then Sara whispered..”Ah…sure gran….but where’s the secret ingredient?”
“You’ll see!” replied her grandma smiling down at Sara.
After the mixing and beating and adding of the items on the table, and then dropping each measure of dough onto a cookie sheet and pre-heating the oven, Sara and her gran popped the cookies into the stove.
With the oven light on Sara watched the “famous” cookies bubble and turn brown until the bell on the timer went off.
Sara’s grandma took the cookies out of the oven and set them on the counter to cool and after a few minutes picked up two and gave Sara one.
With grandma’s arm around her waist Sara and her gran took a bite and Sara said…”UUUMMMM….the BEST gran….but what is the secret ingredient?”
Her smiling grandma kissed Sara on the forehead and answered ” it’s LOVE!”

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THE SCENE by Russ McKay

“See that painting…there on the wall behind the English chest of drawers?” asked Ellen’s grandpa.
“Sure Papa…it’s…ah….nice …I guess.” Ellie, as grandpa usually called her, was more interested in the cuckoo clock that was about to strike “Three”.
Ellie’s grandpa smiled at his six year old (and only) granddaughter and left her alone as she stood in anticipation of the hourly event.
By the time grandpa made it back to his easy chair in his den, the cuckoo clock had marked the hour and Ellie was about to return to the children’s television show that she had been watching earlier when she heard the unmistakable “Toot” of a train whistle.
Ellie liked trains and knew that there were no train tracks near grandpa’s house and was puzzled by the sound. Then there was the sound of a “whoosh” that seemed to be coming from the painting that was her grandpa’s favorite, and as Ellie looked up at the picture, steam was pouring out beyond the frame!
Ellie’s wide open non-blinking eyes were fixed on the painting “Cove Halt”. All of the people and animals and yes, the train, seemed to be very slowly moving. There was a small child with its back turned to the viewer, standing in the lower left foreground of the painting. Ellie couldn’t tell by the way it was dressed if it was a boy or a girl.
“It must be a girl…look at that big hat…” Ellie thought. Then suddenly a bright flash as bright as anything she’d ever seen made her close her eyes to the extreme brightness of it.
When she opened her eyes she wasn’t standing in grandpa’s living room anymore. She was standing on a dirt and cinder road holding the reins of a very large draught horse and wearing a large straw hat with a wide black bow!
Looking up to the right she could see, hear and even smell the smoke from the old steam train. And there was another little girl being helped into an old car by a man and a woman…just…like…in grandpa’s painting.
She turned around and looked back but there was absolutely nothing behind her and just then the huge horse pulled his head to the left and jerked the reins completely out of her hands.
“Hey now..Ellie…hold him tight!” and a large man dressed in work clothes patted the horse and replaced the reins into Ellie’s hand.
“Let’s tie him up and go into the pub and get you a ginger beer. What do ya say to that eh?”
The man seemed to know her and when he turned to fully face her and give her the reins to the massive horse he looked just like her grandpa.
The train whistled and clanged and chugged off as they tied up the horse and made their way inside of the pub with the thatched roof.
Throughout the entire episode Ellie had not uttered a word but then asked the man who looked so much like her grandpa “Where are we?”
“Why… the Horseshoe Pub Ellie you’ve been here dozens of times before. You know I have to meet the train on the weekend in case there’s any freight to be hauled when you come to stay with me.”
Then he said to the pub owner “We’ll have the usual Sam.”
“Hi Ellie…how’s Clyde behavin’?”
Ellie had no idea who Clyde was, then remembered seeing “CLYDE” engraved on an old worn brass plate on the horse’s harness. “Ah…oh he tries to pull the reins away some but I can hold him!”
“Good girl!” smiled the owner, Mr. Sampson.
Ellie drank her ginger beer and smiled at the few other patrons in the pub and thought to herself “This is the first time that I had a dream and actually knew that it WAS a dream!”
After her second ginger beer the man who looked like her grandpa said…”Well…gotta get back now Sam, we’ll be seein’ you Saturday next if the good Lord’s willin’ eh!”
“Right you are Ned…and Ellie…you show that Clyde who’s Boss eh?”
“Ah…yes Mr. Sampson I will. Then Ellie took “Ned’s” hand and they left the pub and went outside to Clyde. The sun was shining brightly and as Ellie looked up into the sky another bright blast of whiteness made her squint and when she opened her eyes she found that she was back in grandpa’s living room looking at the painting.
Just then she felt her grandpa’s arm around her shoulders and she heard him say…
“That’s my favorite painting in the whole world Ellie!”
She looked up at her grandpa and said… “Mine too!”

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RUN FOR YOUR LIFE by Russ McKay

Filbert the squirrel made a big mistake when he went to watch the local baseball team play their biggest rivals. Instead of climbing up to his usual viewing spot at the top rail of the highest row of the bleachers he had to keep avoiding the ushers that were in charge of each row of seats. Filbert guessed that they didn’t realize what a big fan he was of the Mudhens because they kept shouting uncomplimentary remarks like…”Catch that pesky rodent!” and the most hurtful…”I HATE squirrels!”
Filbert was relegated to watch from ground level under the box seats along the first base line.
But by the second inning Filbert realized that there was one big benefit to being at ground level…lots of popcorn kernals were landing all about him being dropped by the fans in the lower deck. This was great even though he couldn’t see the game as well as he did from the bleachers.
But…Then, suddenly A DOG! Barking and chasing Filbert out from under the cover of the stands and yes…right out onto the field. The game immediately stopped and all the players and umpires started shouting and running after Filbert. They chased him down the first base line then jumped in front of him and made him turn left and head for second base where the shortstop actually threw his glove at Filbert.
The poor chased squirrel running for his life turned and headed for third base when he heard the fans yelling…”Go Squirrel Go!” That’s when Filbert realized that he was actually fulfilling a dream by “running the bases” at Cityville Park!
But as Filbert looked past third base he saw about a dozen players waiting for him , a few holding baseball bats. Oh My!
Filbert turned an immediate right and headed for the stands again and then along the edge of the stands and reached a small hole in the corner of the left field fence just as a baseball banged into it just behind him.
“That was close!” gasped Filbert as he kept running and running as fast as his feet could go all the way to his oak tree where he was finally “Safe At Home!

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THE UNDECIDED WORM by Russ McKay

Wally the worm’s North end was arguing with his South end about which way to go. When they both tried to go in different directions at the same time it would stretch Wally’s length almost double. It was a slimming activity but it actually hurt, plus the whole Wally wasn’t going ANYWHERE!
Then the North end of Wally decided to curve to the left and of course, the South end wanted to go…you guessed it….right!
After seven circles both ends realized that neither was getting anywhere again.
“Ok” Wally North said “How about if we go straight left for twenty seconds and then we can go straight right for twenty seconds?”
“Yeah…OK….but me first!” Demanded South.
“Whatever!” hurummphed Wally’s North end.
But after forty seconds Wally was back EXACTLY where he started.
“We’ve got to compromise if we intend to go ANYWHERE!” exclaimed North end.
“Hmmm.” Was all that South end could utter but deep inside he knew North was right.
“OK” South said reluctantly what do we do to get to the mulch pile?”
“I know the way so I’ll take the lead and you can drive the back so that we don’t get whiplash!”
Well, South had to admit that it WAS a plan and he really wanted to get to that mulch pile so he agreed.
And that’s how Wally worm, both the North AND the South of him made a straight line to the mulch pile although South end always referred to it as the “MUNCH pile” which always made North end laugh.

GRANDPA’S CANDY STORE by Russ McKay

Billy’s grandfather liked to tell Billy about “The Good Old Days” when life was simple, less expensive and lots more fun.
It was hard for Billy to really understand everything that his “Papa” told him and sometimes Billy wondered if indeed all of Papa’s stories were really how things were.
After all, Billy and his Mom and Dad lived in the same small town where Papa grew up fifty years ago and Billy knew that some of the same buildings were still there because they had dates carved into some of their cornerstones.
Sometimes Papa would show Billy old yellowed black and white pictures of their town and a few of them featured items and places that Billy recognized.
One afternoon near the end of summer vacation Billy was walking down South Street just off Main when he walked by a store front that was always empty with an old “For Rent” sign in the corner of the window. But today the windows were not dingy and dusty but were clean and shiny and in fact the front wooden and glass door was wide open.
Billy looked inside and there was a marble counter with round stools and a large glass case with lots of jars and colorful boxes lined up side by side.
“C’mon in…Billy…isn’t it?”
“Ah….yes….Sir….but…?”
“Billy Jones…ah yes…Edward’s grandson….you’re a fine looking lad!”
Billy was still standing in the doorway, leaning and peering into the store and wondering about the gray haired man with the wire rim glasses that seemed to know exactly who Billy was. The man had on a cream colored apron and was holding a damp rag in his hand.
“Just cleaning up the fountain a bit…could I make you a Lemon Phosphate or an Ammonia Coke. No…you wouldn’t know about those would you….how about a hot fudge Sundae with wet nuts and whipped cream and of course a Maraschino cherry on top?”
“Ah…..” was all that Billy could manage.
“We’ve got a great assortment of penny candy too Billy. Mary Janes and Squirrel Nuts and Kits and wax lips….and well….if you don’t have the money today you can pay me next time you’re in the store. By the way how is your Papa Edward?”
“Ah…he’s fine….ah….Sir…..he……”
“So what’ll it be Billy? Here sit down at the fountain and I’ll whip you up something special…say a banana split!”
“Ah….” Billy was saying “Ah” a lot and figured he’d better find out what was really going on.
“Did you just open up here….Mister…..?”
“Henry Jenkins…. but you can just call me Jenks….everyone does. Heck I opened this place in the early fifties when your Papa was in grade school. Yep been here a long time!”
“But I’ve never….I mean I walk by here lots and I never saw..”
Billy was very bewildered.
Jenks was just squirting the last puff of whipped cream onto the banana split and slid it across the white marble counter toward Billy.
“Here…you’ll need this too!” Jenks handed Billy a long spoon and two paper napkins. As Billy tasted the boat shaped dessert Jenks rattled and snapped a small brown paper bag and leaned into the penny candy case and plucked out about a dozen assorted candies and dropped them into the bag.
It didn’t take Billy long to finish the Banana Split and scoop the last melted ice cream out of the bottom of the stainless steel dish.
“That was good….Jenks!”
“You betcha….best in town!”
Jenks folded the top of the bag together and handed it to Billy. Pay me next time you come by and don’t forget to remember me to your Papa!”
Billy said…”Thank you Jenks…I’ll see you soon.”
“Take care now son!”
As Billy crossed over the threshold of the store he turned to wave so long to his new friend Jenks. But the door was closed and the widows dingy and dirty with a “For Rent” sign in the corner of the window.
“What?” said Billy out loud and a woman who was passing by turned and stared at Billy and then hurried along and glanced back at him as she went.
Billy went to scratch his head when he realized that he still had a small brown paper bag in his hand…full of penny candy!

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A LIVING DOLL by Russ McKay

Cathy heard a strange noise coming from her toy box that sounded somewhat like a cough. But that was impossible. She didn’t have any toys that coughed. She had a baby doll that cried and said “Momma” and a fire truck that beeped and had a siren, which is usually thought of as a boy’s toy but Cathy just wanted and GOT a firetruck last birthday.
Uncle Tom had given the truck to her because he was a volunteer fireman in his town and loved the fact that Cathy liked fire engines too!
But there it was again! Definately a cough. So Cathy went over to her toy box and when she opened the lid Sally the doll was holding her arm in front of her face and…coughing!
Cathy was so surprised that she just stared at Sally. Then Sally said “I think it’s the dust…I must be allergic just like you!”
Cathy leaned into the toy box and as she did she started to cough herself. Yes Sally and Cathy both were allergic to the dust in the box.
Cathy lifted Sally out of the toy box and held her closely and walked out onto the porch to get some fresh air.
“Ah…that’s better!” said Sally.
Cathy finally said to Sally…”You….can….TALK….are you..alive?”
“Well only for a very short time.” said Sally sadly.
So Cathy and Sally talked about girl and doll stuff for awhile and then Cathy’s Mom said to Cathy…”Who are you talking to Cathy Dear?”
“Oh…just Sally… my dolly.”
“Oh yes…I remember when I was a little girl I had a dolly named “Susie” and we’d have the best conversations!”
“You…mean…pretend…conversations don’t you Mom?”
“Ah…well…YOU mean pretend conversations too don’t you?” asked Cathy’s Mom.
And Cathy and her Mom just looked silently at each other because everyone knows that Dolls can’t really talk. Don’t they?